Letter to the Presidential Candidates

Dear Senators McCain and Obama:

With only 2 weeks until the presidential election I am still an undecided voter. I am a single mother of 6 children ranging in ages from 21 years to 15 months. I have watched the debates, both presidential and vice presidential, and all I heard was:

Blah, blah, Mom she's touching me, blah, blah, I'm thirsty, blah, blah, this is boring, blah.

It occurred to me today that I have the perfect litmus test for you both. My home is like a microcosm of the free, and sometimes not so free, world. I propose that each of you spend a day in my home and the person who handles their experience the best has my vote, and I expect the vote of many others. Let me tell you about a typical day in my home and how it relates to your capabilities of handling our nation.

I'll give you both a break and let you start your day after lunch when the 2 little ones are napping and the other 4 are at school. You start your internship on the computer goofing off doing administrative work (your time between your election and your inauguration)

You take the baby to the doctor while leaving the oldest son in charge of the 2 year old. (delegation) Upon arriving at the doctor's office you pay the $30 co-pay and discuss the payment plan in effect (making the children indentured servants) because the health insurance doesn't cover well child check ups and immunizations and the family currently owes $800. (Health care)

Return baby home and find all 6 children present. Find urgent matter that needs immediate attention on the computer. (Domestic crisis) Try to deal with urgent matter while baby fusses at your feet and 2 year old tells you he's thirsty. Yell at older boys to assist you. (delegation to cabinet members) Boys say they will help but disappear leaving small children behind (broken campaign promises) Eleven year old daughter is going to play practice. Her ride shows up and she can't find her pirate sword (military unpreparedness) You run laps through house searching for sword while 11 year old blames 5 year old because she "made her put it down." (bipartisan politics) Find sword and meet neighbor at the door. Neighbor seeks advice for dealing with her daughter's preteen attitude. (peace negotiations of warring countries)

Go back to urgent matter, baby is now on your lap wanting to play with all electronics within reach (white house interns) Five year old is whiny and demanding of attention; 2 year old is also trying to get your attention, urgent matter still needs your attention. Baby is now climbing you like a tree. (dealing with Washington lobbyists) Five year old takes toy from 2 year old and is sent to her room (criminal justice system) Realize that dinner needs to be fixed. Send older boys to help a neighbor (exportation of labor) Try to entertain and distract small children while heating dinner. Eat with children and try to discern what 2 year old, recently adopted Chinese boy is telling you (foreign relations)

Clean up kitchen while dealing with a broken garbage disposal (collapse of infrastructure), realize that both babies have dirty diapers. (bio hazardous environmental clean up) Older son needs money for gas. (energy crisis) Both boys leave and you are left alone with 3 children ages 5, 2 and 15 months. (Kennedy family) Uncle to the children arrives with his own children (hosting of foreign dignitary) Uncle and cousins leave. Find spider and kill it (capital punishment) Give children bathes, into pajamas and into bed (congressional recess)

Move a load of laundry from the washing machine to the dryer and find a quarter (money laundering) Check menu for the morning and decide not to make the sausage biscuits planned for tomorrow's breakfast (cutting out pork ) High school senior son needs $200 check for graduation expenses (financial bailout) You are relieved for the day.

While I sincerely welcome you both into my home to take over my duties for a day, I realize you are busy shaking hands and giving speeches and flying around on private jets so let me encourage you to send your vice presidential candidates in your place instead. Or your press secretary. Or that guy you hired to make signs in Topeka. I'm not picky-- really.

Sincerely,

CC: Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin