Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Letter to the Presidential Candidates

Dear Senators McCain and Obama:

With only 2 weeks until the presidential election I am still an undecided voter. I am a single mother of 6 children ranging in ages from 21 years to 15 months. I have watched the debates, both presidential and vice presidential, and all I heard was:

Blah, blah, Mom she's touching me, blah, blah, I'm thirsty, blah, blah, this is boring, blah.

It occurred to me today that I have the perfect litmus test for you both. My home is like a microcosm of the free, and sometimes not so free, world. I propose that each of you spend a day in my home and the person who handles their experience the best has my vote, and I expect the vote of many others. Let me tell you about a typical day in my home and how it relates to your capabilities of handling our nation.

I'll give you both a break and let you start your day after lunch when the 2 little ones are napping and the other 4 are at school. You start your internship on the computer goofing off doing administrative work (your time between your election and your inauguration)

You take the baby to the doctor while leaving the oldest son in charge of the 2 year old. (delegation) Upon arriving at the doctor's office you pay the $30 co-pay and discuss the payment plan in effect (making the children indentured servants) because the health insurance doesn't cover well child check ups and immunizations and the family currently owes $800. (Health care)

Return baby home and find all 6 children present. Find urgent matter that needs immediate attention on the computer. (Domestic crisis) Try to deal with urgent matter while baby fusses at your feet and 2 year old tells you he's thirsty. Yell at older boys to assist you. (delegation to cabinet members) Boys say they will help but disappear leaving small children behind (broken campaign promises) Eleven year old daughter is going to play practice. Her ride shows up and she can't find her pirate sword (military unpreparedness) You run laps through house searching for sword while 11 year old blames 5 year old because she "made her put it down." (bipartisan politics) Find sword and meet neighbor at the door. Neighbor seeks advice for dealing with her daughter's preteen attitude. (peace negotiations of warring countries)

Go back to urgent matter, baby is now on your lap wanting to play with all electronics within reach (white house interns) Five year old is whiny and demanding of attention; 2 year old is also trying to get your attention, urgent matter still needs your attention. Baby is now climbing you like a tree. (dealing with Washington lobbyists) Five year old takes toy from 2 year old and is sent to her room (criminal justice system) Realize that dinner needs to be fixed. Send older boys to help a neighbor (exportation of labor) Try to entertain and distract small children while heating dinner. Eat with children and try to discern what 2 year old, recently adopted Chinese boy is telling you (foreign relations)

Clean up kitchen while dealing with a broken garbage disposal (collapse of infrastructure), realize that both babies have dirty diapers. (bio hazardous environmental clean up) Older son needs money for gas. (energy crisis) Both boys leave and you are left alone with 3 children ages 5, 2 and 15 months. (Kennedy family) Uncle to the children arrives with his own children (hosting of foreign dignitary) Uncle and cousins leave. Find spider and kill it (capital punishment) Give children bathes, into pajamas and into bed (congressional recess)

Move a load of laundry from the washing machine to the dryer and find a quarter (money laundering) Check menu for the morning and decide not to make the sausage biscuits planned for tomorrow's breakfast (cutting out pork ) High school senior son needs $200 check for graduation expenses (financial bailout) You are relieved for the day.

While I sincerely welcome you both into my home to take over my duties for a day, I realize you are busy shaking hands and giving speeches and flying around on private jets so let me encourage you to send your vice presidential candidates in your place instead. Or your press secretary. Or that guy you hired to make signs in Topeka. I'm not picky-- really.

Sincerely,

CC: Senator Joe Biden and Governor Sarah Palin

16 comments:

Crystal said...

Denise.....you crack me up! Enough said! I did want to ask you though how long Ryan has been with the family?

Denise said...

Ryan joined our family in July. If your ever REALLY bored then check out my posts from our trip. I tried to post every day.

Last night I felt like I was going crazy and it thought to myself "I wonder how the presidential candidiates could handle THIS house?" and a post was born!

Donna said...

Denise, maybe I'm a bit sexist (okay a lot) but several of them would probably send their nannies or wives to handle it all. Delegation?

I'm a decided voter. If you want any unsoliticed advice, let me know. Otherwise I'll keep my opinions to myself! :)

Crystal said...

I will check them out most definitely! Probably when my boyfriend goes tuna fishing next weekend and I will be all alone withe just the dogs for 2 nights and 1 day!

Gatlin said...

Neither of these candidates are qualified to do what you do on any given day. (: Knowing that is true, I have decided to go with the one that I think most closely lines up with the Word of God on the issues. I don't think either are great choices, so that's the only way I know how to make my decision.

Kristin said...

Denise, you just amaze me! I can be very creative at school but lose it at blog time. Boy, do you crack me up!!

I am glad I am not the only crazy one out there. :-)

From your younger friend (but not by that much!) Bet I have more gray hairs though---if I didn't cover them up. :-)

Stacey said...

I stumbled across your blog and loved your letter! It brightened my day. I even linked it to my blog (I hope you don't mind).

Denise said...

Stacey, thank you for linking your blog to mine! I'm flattered.

BTW, neither candidate has let me know what day works for him.

Margaret Miracle said...

I laughed out loud reading this and I REALLY NEEDED TO LAUGH OUT LOUD TODAY!!!! Thank you!!! I did get your post about my interesting facts...I'm working on it...wrapping my brain around it...there are so many to chose from!!!! Thanks my friend for the laughter!!!

Denise said...

Margaret, I am so glad that I brought you some laughter. I hope Graeme is doing well after his palate surgery, poor baby.

Walking In My Sleep said...

Just goes wtihout saying that a mom is probably the best choice for President. Sadly, that's not one of our choices...

Walking In My Sleep said...

Your post has convinced me that we should elect a mom as President. Sadly, that's not one of our choices...

Diamond said...

Coming through from SITS. Great post!

Wep said...

Somehow I can't picture Hillary doing that. I would vote for you :-)

April said...

too funny! p.s. LOVE your blog layout!!!

Vanessa Rogers said...

That is hilarious! What a good test for the future president!