Detective Mommy and the Case of the Missing Pirate Skirt

What is it with children and husbands thinking that mothers have some all knowing, all seeing power? "Mom, where's my basketball?" "Honey, where's my blue shirt?"

How in the world would I know? If I was psychic I'd be rich by now playing the lottery and I'd have the maid look for you. Shoot, half the time I can't even find my own car keys let alone Jenna's pink socks. Nevertheless it wasn't surprising when Julia told me first thing this morning that she couldn't find her pirate skirt and she wanted needed my assistance.

"Where's my pirate skirt? I can't find it!" She announced before 7:00 a.m., an act itself that should be banned. No one north of the Florida Keys should be looking for a pirate skirt before 7:00 am. But Julia is in the play Peter Pan at school and if you haven't guessed her part by now you should really get yourself a Starbucks coffee with an extra shot and wake your brain up. Tell 'em Denise sent you. They'll probably know who I am.

But back to the skirt.

The play is on Saturday so this week has been full of really long rehearsals, all of which are dress rehearsals and today was the day a professional photographer was taking cast photos. It seemed rather imperative that Julia be wearing a skirt.

"When and where was the last time you saw it?" I asked still somewhat asleep.

"Last night on the kitchen floor."

This statement snapped me out of my stupor. "I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you say it was on the kitchen floor."

"Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom in the powder room so I took it off and left it there."

All righty then. This explains so much. Obviously it was the logical thing to do.

After a short lecture covering proper placement of our costume accessories, we began to search for the skirt. We searched for the next 40 minutes looking in places you wouldn't normally think to look. But I had my suspects in mind and had to think on their level thus I was searching in the freezer, in the pantry. under the sofa. After all of that, no skirt was found.

Of course, the tears began to flow closely followed by sobs. She would get in trouble. She would be out of the play. She wouldn't be in the pictures. Her life as she knew it would be over.

After another lecture of taking proper care of our things, I softened and told her that one way or the other I promised to have a pirate costume to her by 3:10, when school got out.

That's when Detective Mommy was called in on The Case of the Missing Pirate Skirt.

I had 3 suspects in mind:

Suspect #1: Older brother Trace. Possible Motive: Has admitted in the past to hiding the girls objects to "teach them a lesson."

Suspect #2: Little baby sister Emma Possible motive: Already caught red handed with a pirate hook. She already has an established criminal past of assault with a deadly weapon (her finger nails) however theft is not her usual MO.

Suspect #3: Little brother Ryan Possible Motive: Has been known in the past to take and hide objects not belonging to him.

Suspect #1 was interrogated and ruled out. He claimed he didn't know where it was. To break him I told him that if I didn't find the skirt I would use the money I owed him for mowing the lawn to buy a new one. Instead of getting a confession I was bombarded with "why should I have to suffer because Julia can't take care of her things?"

On to the interrogation of Suspect #2:



On to Suspect #3:



I had reached a dead end. No confessions and no evidence to go on I could only do one thing: drive to the Halloween store and buy her a new costume, grumbling all the way. But what are you going to do? I got the costume to school and the tragedy was averted.

During the day I kept expecting the skirt to show up since I had already spent $40 on a nonrefundable costume but it never did. I was ready to file it as a Cold Case. And then Julia was getting ready for bed and she yelled to me "Mom, look what I found!" Tucked into her dresser drawer was:


The skirt. Case Closed. Detective Mommy's good. Julia's lucky to be alive.