Sunday, September 21, 2008

Memories Revisited

I was checking my email yesterday afternoon and was confronted with a headline:

The crash of a Learjet that killed 4, and injured 2- drummer Travis Barker and DJ Adam Goldstein, both seriously burned in the crash.

This news shook up my world a bit.

I don't know much about these men. I guess I had heard of them but hadn't thought much about them. So why would this news be so noteworthy?

Two years, seven months and 23 days ago my husband sustained 3rd degree burns on 60% of his body as the result of a plane crash.

God was very alive and present the day of his crash, the following five weeks he was in the hospital, the night before his death and the day he died and the days, weeks, months and years that have followed. And through it all God told me and others, through scripture, that He would be glorified through it all.

I have felt God prompting me to write a book about this experience but writing a book is a very daunting task. I have started and stopped few times but it never felt right. But now, I feel an insistent prodding. Now is the time.

As I have made this decision within the last week God keeps sending me confirmations. The first has to do with a bible study I have started. It's a Beth Moore study and nobody can kick you in the pants like Beth Moore. The bible I had used during Darrell's hospital stay and the year after his death is literally falling to pieces, so I bought a new one. However, I couldn't find it anywhere when the study started and I had to pull out the old one. The scriptures I underlined during that time bring the pain back as if is was yesterday. I have realized this will be a very painful process, even more so than I had expected. How niave of me to think otherwise.

And then yesterday, the news of this latest plane crash has caused so many memories to come rushing back. Yesterday I kept thinking of the day of the crash, the unbelievable phone call, the total isolation I felt, completely alone those first few hours as I waited for ANY word of what were were facing. I began to relive those first few days we entered The Valley of Sorrow. Its all confirmation to me that God has a plan for me and He's waiting for me to fulfill it.

I guess I better get busy.

7 comments:

Margaret Miracle said...

Thoughts and prayers are with you. I know those days when the memories of the past just take your breath away so unexpectedly are so hard. If you need anyone to read through your first draft, I volunteer. I think your story is amazing and a testament to the power of the human spirit!

Denise said...

Margaret,

Thank you for you kind words but I tell you its the Grace of God that has gotten me through. I definitely couldn't have handled the last 2 years of my life alone.

Teresa =) said...

I wanted to leave a comment but can't think of anything profound to say. You are a stronger woman than most and I will get in line to purchase that book as soon as it is printed! We often don't realize what an impact our experiences can have on others...your story (and I don't even know all of it) is such a testament to God's grace in your life and the lives of your children. I know your husband is smiling down from heaven that you've decided to undertake this task.

Teresa =)

Lindsey's mom said...

Denise
I can totally relate to those feelings coming back. Each time I see a child sick or read about a child dying I just stop and take deep breaths! It never goes away..you just breath and live. I am right there with you on the grace of God! I can not imagine not having that!! We started going to church just 2 yrs prior to our daughter's death! Prayers to you and your WONDERFUL famiy!!!
Kathy
Anchorage

Mary said...

Hi, Denise. Thanks for sharing. I can't imagine, but I think that your sharing will undoubtedly help others. I wanted to pass on info on another family (husband and wife) who were also in a plane crash. I actually wrote about it on my blog. Here is the link:
http://ladybugsanddragonflies.blogspot.com/2008/09/nie-nie-dialogs-lesson-in-fragilty-of.html
You may be able to help this family as they deal with the husband and wife's ongoing recovery (they have four very young children).
Best to you!

Denise said...

Mary,

I just found that family's blog, by accident, about 15 minutes ago! I also left a comment but there were so many comments I wasn't even sure that mine would be noticed, not to mention there are all types of people who prey on others in times of hardship. I would love to offer any support or encouragement that I could.

I've actually been struggling with this since I read their blog, and praying! What does God want me to do? This is not coincidental, I'm sure.

Denise

Kristy said...

Denise I heard about this plane crash this morning on the news and I immediately thought of you. I absolutely hate that you and your family had to endure this, but I do believe thru every situation good or bad, happy or sad, God has another purpose for it. And I believe you have hit it right on the mark. WRITE YOUR BOOK! I know it will be a very difficult thing to do, because none of us like to go back to the dark places of our lives, but you have a gift. Writing this book will more than likely be very healing for you as for the rest of your family. YOU ARE SO DARN INSPIRATIONAL TO ME! I will be here for you every step of the way, but more importantly you will see only one set of footprints , because HE will carry you through this. God bless you Denise. Please keep me posted. I wish we were closer so I could hug you.

Love and blessings, Kristy