The Derelict Easter Bunny

I know you all have me on a pedestal as the Perfect Mother. And why wouldn't you? Seriously? Never mind me sending Jenna to school in her pajamas, forgetting to send items to school that the kids need, being late to functions, taking away bottles, my messy house, getting frustrated with bean wars. Okay, I get the point. I'm not perfect, far from it. But just in case you had any doubts, I have new evidence to seal the verdict.

Way, way back in February right around Mardi Gras (aka the beginning of the Lenten Season) Easter Candy began making an appearance. And guess what? I bought some. Seriously? Seriously.

(Sorry, seriously is like my new go-to word. Kind of the way okay was my go-to word in my interview. Okay?)

Ross loves Reese's peanut butter eggs so I bought around 6 bags of it. Back in February. And I put it in the pantry. It doesn't take a rocket scientist (or physicist) to figure out that by April said candy would be gone. Yeah, it was gone by March. But let the record show that I made an attempt. Okay? Seriously.

This morning I woke up and realized that I hadn't bought the kids Easter stuff. And hermit that I've become, I wondered if there was anyway around going out to get it. Obviously, unless I could suddenly lay chocolate eggs I was going out. Of course, I could have made our own hand made chocolate Easter bunnies. While I was searching On Demand for the latest episode of Survivor there was a preview of Martha Stewart making a hand made chocolate Easter Bunny. Seriously? People do that? (Okay, you totally have to admit that that particular seriously was so totally appropriate.)

For the record, people may do that but I don't do that. Maybe once upon a time, in a land far, far away I would have. But then I got a life. Okay a pseudo life, but a life none the less. I was going out.

I put the two little ones down for a nap and cleaned up my house getting ready for our Easter dinner tomorrow checked out my email and Facebook. I should have been cleaning but you know that previous pseudo life I mentioned? Yeah, checking my email and Facebook is part of it and cleaning isn't. But before I could drag myself away from the computer and out the door protesting all the way, Emma began to cry and ultimately ended up going with me.

After a lot of thought, I decided to go to Target and upon arriving there discovered that there was only one side of half an aisle of Easter stuff. Seriously??? No chocolate bunnies. No Easter basket or even grass. Definitely no Reese's peanut butter eggs. Uh oh.

When in doubt or in times of crisis, cross your mythical creatures/beings. Easter bunny's going arctic ghetto. He's bringing gifts.

As I made my way to the DVD's and toys I was patting myself on the back (may I suggest you not try this in public and if you still insist on it that you stretch your arm out first) telling myself not only what a genius I was but also what a wonderful, organic mother I was. We're talking Mother of the Year quality here! Instead of providing a basket full of sugar and chocolate I was providing material possessions, neither of which has anything to do with the resurrection of Jesus. I got all the kids a DVD, part of which was entirely selfish. Shrek has returned into the van DVD feature film rotation and I need something fresh. (Yes, it is all about me.) I also got the four younger ones a inexpensive toy. I decided what to get them all with the exception of Emma. Then I discovered a Yo Gabba Gabba toy. Foofa who talked. Jack pot. Emma saw. Emma wanted. Emma got. I underestimated the Will of Emma.

Like, where have I been the last 3 weeks? Seriously????

When we checked out, I took the Foofa doll, currently in its box, and handed it to the cashier. Not good. Screaming and crying ensued. And continued even after Foofa was returned to Emma's hands. Because, hello! She was deeply offended and you just can't let that go. It continued until we got to the van and then returned after I made the mistake of taking Foofa out of her box. Girl likes her packaging. Okay?

I now had 2 problems. The first: I still needed some kind of candy. Seriously, it is the Easter Bunny. And the second: There was no way Foofa was leaving those fingers.

The first was solved by CVS pharmacy. They were picked over but I scraped some candy out of the store. The second: no solution there. Thank goodness Emma's too young to compare her basket to her siblings.

Seriously.



For those of you who have missed me, my absence will be addressed in my very own version of a Sunday Sound Out. No worries that no one has actually asked me any questions. Details, details. Don't you know I can read minds?