Monday, April 13, 2009

Soon To Be Royalty

Jenna and I had a Mommy/Daughter date this morning and she even got to miss a morning of school to take part in it. Jenna and I went to the dentist.

I was actually a bit worried about going. I hadn't been in 4 years and I was worried about what they might find. I know, I know, what kind of scummy mouth person am I? But in my defense, during most of the past 4 years I didn't have dental insurance. Add to that the fact that we moved and had to find a new dentist, well, let's just say that I spend my life putting out fires and the big ones usually get the attention. Going to the dentist seemed like a burning marshmallow.

Did anyone else suddenly get hungry for smores?

{I would also like to add that my children have not gone 4 years without seeing dentist.}

We now have dental insurance, I found a dentist and it was time for a good scrap down. Jenna was excited to go but also a little worried so I kept her occupied in the waiting room playing with her new Ken and her High School Musical Gabriella doll and a snapping crocodile. She found the Crocodile Dentist on a waiting room table and at first we took turns pushing the crocodile's teeth down until it snapped shut. Then we took Ken and Gabriella and had them push the teeth down with their hands and arms. Gabriella needs to work on her upper body strength, while Ken-- beef cake that he is, didn't have an trouble. How would I know this? Because I was Ken. I'm always Ken, story of my life. At one point, I held up Ken with the crocodile hanging on his arm and asked Jenna (as Ken, of course) "Do I look different to you?" Hey, it totally went over with the kindergartner. Total giggle fest.

In the middle of our play time, I began to feel my lower tummy rumble. Uh oh. Julia spent most of Easter sequestered upstairs with a head ache and fever and later with vomiting. This couldn't be good. Jenna and I went to the restroom which then produced complaints from Jenna about the smell. The smell that came from me. Please tell me why public restrooms don't stock air freshener??? How embarrassing.

I felt better although I can't say the same for the person that walked in after us. We returned to the waiting room and I was soon escorted to my exam room as Jenna went to the play room to wait for her turn. As the dental hygienist began to scrap 4 years of tartar off my teeth I began to feel a familiar rumbling. Oh crappy doodles! Not yet if I could help it. As the scraping continued, followed by the polishing I wondered what one would do if they suddenly felt the immediate need to find the nearest restroom? Do you just jump up and run or do you try to be polite and nonchalant? It's probably hard to be nonchalant when your mouth is full of hands, and dental equipment as you try to convey in an understated demeanor that you need to sit on the Porcelain Throne immediately. Thankfully, my guts settled down and my cleaning was finished without any embarrassing incidents.

Jenna's turn was next and she did awesomely. No cavities-- Yay! But wait, I didn't tell you about the royalty part, did I? No, the above reference to the Porcelain Throne wasn't it. Last fall I broke a tooth, my very back molar. I had been warned several years ago that it was a likelihood since the filling in the tooth was large and the side of the tooth was weakened. Personally, I could have gone longer without fulfilling the statistic but I guess the tooth had other ideas, ideas like becoming royalty. As in a crown.

When the dentist came in and told me that I was cavity free, she also told me that I would need a crown for my tooth. "Does that mean I'm a queen now?" I asked. "Since I'm being crowned, doesn't that make me a queen?"

She laughed and said "Why, I think it does although good luck convincing your kids."

She had a point. But I have a plan to make sure there are no doubts.

I'm going to rent a diamond tiara. Yes, I did my research and you can rent a REAL diamond tiara. When I stroll around the house wearing my tiara my children will be forced to recognize and acknowledge my royalty. Now I if I can only train the babies to say "Your majesty, I need you to clean my bum."

Then my life would be perfect.

16 comments:

Goosegirl said...

Oh Denise, I am sorry about your impending royalty. I will be ruling the neighboring kingdom with the THREE crowns I need. Yep! I went to the dentist this morning for the first time in 4 years as well. Still no dental insurance, just a whole lot of pain, so I went. After receiving the quote on my treatment plan, I nearly passed out. Let's just say I will have to sell off a few of those tiaras to pay for the crowns. UGH!

So, have fun cleaning bums in your tiara. Mine is going on Ebay.

Sivje

Sandy Toes said...

cute. hope your crowning goes well...wish it was just diamonds and silver:)!
sandy toe

Tammy Howard said...

oooooh - I want a diamond tiara! (but you can keep your crown...)

Anita said...

Well I'm glad you can look at your crowning in a positive light, I go to the dentist regularly,grudgingly,I'm just not a fan. Thankfully I have strong teeth.

Christina said...

Hee-Hee! Congrats on the title. Well, your majesty.... which wench will be scrubbing your floors?

Denise said...

Uh Christina, that would be me!

Margaret M said...

Too funny! I actually own my own tiara with real cubic zirconias! It is a throw back from my Mardi Gras days! I may have to dig it out and try it. Your majesty please turn on High School Musical or read us a book....it does sound so much better!

wingepr said...

You totally crack me up!!!! I just knew we were going to find out what one does while sitting in the chair and they need to GO!!!!

I want one of the tiara!!!! I tell my household all of the time, I'm the queen, they just dont buy it.

Peg

Denise said...

Peggy, I never did figure it out. If you find the answer, be sure to let me know. We all know that if it's going to happen to someone, it's going to happen to ME!

Brandy said...

Dentists are evil. And since you admitted, I'll share that I haven't been in two years b/c I hated my last dentist and refused to go back. But being the dummy that I am, I still haven't found a new one yet. Probably should get on that...

Nice crown.

"FINE"al thoughts... said...

I have an 8-year-old whose favorite rebutle when asked to do several chores is, "Are you the queen and we are your servants?" Maybe I should get me a tiara and just say, "Of course!" On the second hand, it will make you and everyone else feel good to know that I have {ahem} never actually been to the dentist. Seriously. And I'm over 30. Sad, I know. We've had dental insurance for a year now but I'm so embarrased to go tell the dentists I've never been and even more afraid that they'll tell me I need a mouthful of crowns. Hmm...I think a mouth full of silver teeth is only cool if you're a rapper on MTV...which I am not. Perhaps I'll schedule and appointment. Like now.

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

I can hear it now..."Your Royal Highness, after you've finished wiping my bum, can you get my snotty nose too?"
I hate going to the dentist. (Is that a stupid thing to say? Does anyone like going to the dentist?) My dentist's office keeps calling me trying to set up an appointment...I keep answering with a phony accent and telling them there is "No Carey here!"

Jill said...

You are a trip!
Hope your intestines did not fight back any more! That is nasty business!

Tricia said...

Have you ever had that rumbling feeling at another doctor's office, a more private doctor? That is the worst place to have it occur.

Party of Seven said...

Sorry to hear about your tummy issues. Glad to hear you will be Queen soon. I cant say I have ever been crowned, lucky girl!!

Jewelz said...

I hate being sick that was HORRIBLE!!!! i have been sick soooo much this year and gotten sick about ten times in about 3 months! CRAZY!!!!!