Life Lesson Thursday

Yes, it's time again for a Life Lesson Thursday. It's an opportunity for wise Mommy to impart her wisdom upon her children while you dear readers eavesdrop.

Today's life lesson will be about lessons I have learned from eHarmony. Obviously, my precious children, this lesson is not for you so run along and go play with scissors or something.

So many men, so little time.
I have been matched with a total of 29 men. Whew! Some must have seen the picture of me with my kids and wrote me off. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Mine screams FIVE KIDS. (I posted a pic with Ross on down) I got about 10 "Matched Closed" notices without even communicating.

I think I have an unusual approach to eHarmony. Every time I get a "Matched Closed" notice I breath a sigh of relief. Bet you won't see that on eHarmony commercial. It just narrows down my options.

That leaves 18 guys. I can have my own Bachelorette show. I better get some roses.

The Dating Game.
{Dating game music in background}
Bachelor #1: He likes dating women with large families. He lives in the country. He's an IT geek. He posts photos of his children that are at least 5 years old. Meet Bachelor #1!

Bachelor #2: He wants to know what personal habits are important to you. Enough said. Meet Bachelor #2!

Bachelor #3: He's looking for the "real thing" not Pepsi. He wants to know your thoughts and feelings on intimacy in your relationship. He just lost his job. Meet Bachelor #3!

{Que Pina Colada music. Obviously I've watched way too much Shrek. Correction, HEARD way too much Shrek.}

I'm in communication with 8 guys, well 7 now because I scared Bachelor #1 off. He told me how much he loved living on his 3 acres out in the middle of nowhere land and I told him how much I love living on my cul-de-sac. Bye, bye.

Bachelor #2, I'm tempted to tell him that I take a shower every Saturday night whether I need it or not. Tooth brushing is optional.

Bachelor #3, Intimacy in my relationship. Really? And he hasn't even bought me dinner yet... oh that's right, he just lost his job!

I think its safe to say these guys are outta here!

And then there were five.
But not really, because 3 of those 5 are stuck in the very early stages of communication. And they've stayed there for awhile. This is online dating's version of "He said he'd call but he never did."

He sends his multiple choice questions like "How much personal space do you need?" and "Are you passionate person?" You answer the questions and send him your own multiple choice questions:

Are you currently employed?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Define employed.
d) If I'm a crack dealer does that count?

Do you lay around all day drinking beer and watching TV?
a) No
b) Yes
c) Only on the weekdays, I'm at the race track on the weekends
d) Nah, my TV's broke so I hang out at the corner bar. Can you pay my tab?

Okay not really, but they should be choices. You send your real questions and then you wait for him to call reply. And wait. And wait. I think I'll go wash my hair. Oh wait! It's not Saturday night.

Again, a big WHEW!!! Three more bite the dust.

And then there were two.
I'm in what's called "Open Communication" with both these guys. Open communication is when you've gone through the multiple choice and open answer questions and you can now communicate freely but safely. It's like you have your own personal message board and you post you notes there so no email addresses are exchanged. Guy #1 sent me his first open communication on Friday. I answered on Sunday and we've sent each other notes every day since. In fact, yesterday we each sent two. So far, I really like Guy #1 and that scares the bejiggers out of me.

Yesterday, I was happy that Guy #1 seems to be going well and I got a notice that Guy #2 sent me a message! Oh my! So I logged on and read his message and he tells me that from my answers I appear as lovely on the inside as I do on the outside. That I am a breath of fresh air and he feels honored to have the chance to get to know me better. So I answered him back.

Then suddenly I feel very guilty. How can I be cheating on Guy #1 ??? Uh, hello Denise! It's The Bachelorette online dating! You're supposed to be talking to more then one person. The only thing is before I narrowed it down to 2, I had a hard time keeping them all straight. Apparently my brain isn't hardwired to juggle guys. Kids, yes. Guys, no.

Then another thought occurs to me. Guy #1 now knows I have a blog but doesn't know the name of it. But how hard would it be to find it? So tonight I Google Blog Searched "Denise Six Kids" and I'm #2 on the search result list. Just below OctoMom. How flattering is that? Why, I'm almost a celebrity! Obviously easy to find. But wait. What if he doesn't know about Blog Search? What if he just Google's me? I'm in the top 2 spots. My book blog is #1 and this blog is #2. Uh oh.

Hi Guy #1! Loved your message tonight! Just ignore all this talk about other guys. And my lusting after Sawyer. And Tyler Florence. And skip on by the videos of me dancing at home, in Price Chopper, any videos at all now that you mention it.

Life Lesson #2: Don't write about other guys in your blog. Your pseudo cyber boyfriend might get jealous. Also be careful about videos you post. Your killer dance moves might scare him off.