Saturday, March 7, 2009

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today a heart stopped and many others were broken.

Three years ago today I watched someone die. I thought it would be an incredibly scary experience, instead it was a beautiful gift.

Three years ago today I woke up very early in the morning in a hospital chair praying for one thing. Nineteen hours later I went to bed in my own bed praying for something entirely different.

Three years ago today I told my children that their daddy had died. I will spend the rest of my life hearing my daughter's hysterical screams.

Three years ago today I spent the first half of the day in a chair outside my husband's ICU room watching doctors and nurses try to save him. I spent the last half of the day in a chair in my living room watching people come in and out of my house trying to save me.

Three years ago today I believed my God could do anything and answer our prayers. It took me many months to accept that God can do anything but sometimes God doesn't our prayers the way we would like.

Three years ago today, Darrell's life ended and mine was reborn. It was not what I would have chosen but it was not my choice to make. I can only rebuild upon the foundation that God left for me.

Three years ago today I thought my life was over. Now I know that God isn't finished with me yet.

...three years ago today.


43 comments:

Beth said...

{{{Denise}}} Powerful post! God DOES work in mysterious ways! Take Care

Elizabeth said...

I admire you for your strength and thank God that He's helped you through such hard times. I'm sending prayers to you and yours today! God bless.

Trying Traditional said...

I'll remember you and your family in my prayers tonight. Such a touching post, your family is blessed to have you.

April said...

i'm glad you have come out of this so well... you're an inspiration.

Ashley said...

Your strength is contagious.

Donna said...

Oh Denise, what an inspiration you are. I'm praying for you all tonight. Remember that you can do all things through Christ who gives strength.

Tight hugs,
Donna

Kristin said...

Beautiful post Denise, as always. You made me cry.

Love to you.....and many hugs today.

Aspiemom said...

I'm glad you've gone through this with the Lord at your side.

A very moving post.

Nancy said...

Your strength is an inspiration to all. Beautiful post.
Nancy

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

What a poignant and powerful post...
You have such a beautiful way with words that your beliefs and optimistic attitude shine through.

I'll be thinking of you and your kids tonight...knowing that you'll be holding them tight...

Sarah@VintageChic said...

Beautifully written. I hope today is a bonding day for your family.

wingepr said...

Denise
You are in my prayers. You are an amazingly strong woman and I admire you. I understand the term "gift" we were given the gift of being with my niece when she left this earth.

Peggy

Kay Bratt said...

Denise,

Yep, God isn't finished with you, yet. You have a purpose that you are headed for at break-a-way speed. Keep going, Darrell would be so proud of who you are now.

Kay

Brandy said...

I've been staring at the comment box thinking of something to say...that was beautiful, sad and uplifting all the the same time.

{Hugs}

Mom 2 Four said...

Beautifully written! Christe

Amy B said...

Thank you for sharing that with us. What a beautiful reminder of how precious life is and how wonderful God is. Your post blessed me tonight.

JD said...

Denise,

Three years ago, you could have made the choice to turn your back on God...
Three years ago, instead, you clung to Him and trusted the One who holds Darrell in His arms.

So many times since I've met you, I've looked at my husband a different way, because of your experience. Darrell lives on in more and more hearts each year, his legacy keeps growing. God does indeed have plans to make beauty from ashes...

Many hugs... many prayers...


JD

Katie said...

What an amazing journey--that's not over yet. Blessings to you.

Tricia said...

What a beautiful testimony. Your family is in my prayers today.

Karen@Candid Diversions said...

Thank you for sharing your life with us. Sometimes I laugh (ok, a lot of times!) and sometimes you sober me up to think about what is really important.

Praying for you!

Rebecca Ann said...

Love you all and praying for you.

Kristin said...

Denise,

Words cannot really convey what I want to say tonight. My heart aches for your loss. I understand what it's like to have no control over your loved one's life, and to have to lean on the Lord to carry you through it. I am glad that he has not only carried you, but is lifting you up too. You are an inspiration to all of us and we love you and your sweet family!! Thank you so much for allowing us to be a part of it!

Kristin

Party of Seven said...

beautifully written. YOu will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight!

Believe it or not we are still trying to get healthy over here!! I need to blog so bad but I am so tired and no energy. Plus my thing to upload my pics broke and I need to get another.

I love your get away idea!!! Let me know and I will be there, any excuse for a girls retreat and to meet some great ladies from the blog world. I seriously have more friends online than I do in town. It has been hard to meet people since we moved last year. I had such a great group of girlfriends in Oregon and I miss them so much.

Enough rambling. YOu are SuperWoman in my opinion!!!

Crystal said...

Thinking of you and the kids today.

Joan said...

God Bless you for talking about your husband. It will help your kids because they will know its ok to talk about their dad. When my mom died, the wisdom at that time was to let it go because kids are tough. Well we are but I was 8 and now realize I needed to talk about my mom with my dad. I didn't want to hurt him by talking about it and we would cry when he talked about it. So, we didn't talk. Now I don't talk about it with anyone. Slowly I think it will come out when I talk to my girls about their birth and foster families and those feelings of loss. Don't get me wrong, my Dad did the best he knew and the common thought at the time was to let it go. I am so glad many things are now out in the open. I hope you were able to spend alot of time with your family honoring your husband and dad.

The Gotch 5 said...

Beautiful and powerful post. You are so strong I don't know that I could be as strong. Thank you for sharing this post.

Angel said...

This is indeed a powerful post. I like the way you put it, his life ended and yours was reborn, when my daughter died I felt like I died. I still do, my life has not been reborn it is filed with f\guilt because I promised her I would never let her go anyplace that I wouldn't go with her, in the end God took her home and left me. I broke my promise.
I still see the picture in my head....
God bless your strength and your faith
I always enjoy your blog, but todays was extra special...

Denise said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Denise said...

Angel, you may have promised your daughter that you would never let her go anyplace without you, but you are still with her and she is still with you. I know you loved her. Your words share the depth of your love for her, but our Heavenly Father loves us more then we could EVER love our own children. If you could no longer be with your daughter, who better to release her to?

I am praying for you, that God will give you the peace you so very much need and that you are able to release the guilt that binds you.

annie kelleher said...

amazing post. thinking of you and your family... xox... annie

carolyn said...

As you all know Denise is amazing women as a daughter and mother. She has been so much and ging through more but she keeps going and she doesn't complain. She is loved by all her family and her strength is remarkable. She didn't get it from me her mother believe me. I am so proud to say she is our daughter and we love her very much.
Mom

Cindy said...

Your faith and strength are uplifting. Can't wait to see what God has in store you and your family, thanks for sharing.
Hugs.

Anita said...

Denise, you have been blessed to see beyond the pain of loss. I really admire your attitude, and thank you so much for blogging and sharing.

Regina said...

Beautiful words. You and your family are in my prayers.

Kim said...

I know this journey probably isn't the way you would of wrote it but you have traveled it with grace and so much strength. What an inspiration you are to your children, family and all those who have had the priveledge of getting to know you. May God continue to fill you with His peace, grace and strength.

Margaret M said...

What a touching and profound post. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Rebirth is not always in our plans...I believe it is more about what we do on the other side. Beautiful!

Xazmin said...

What a beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your loss, but also thankful for the inspiring thoughts you shared.

Heather said...

I am so sorry for your loss that you and your family went through three years ago.

You are amazing to have gone on and made such a difference in three short years. Your children are very lucky to have such a special lady for their Momma. You are a true survivor and a inspiration to all of us.

Hugs,
Heather

The Johnson 5 said...

Oh girl, how I'm so happy that you have been able to pick up and go forward.
You have an unbelievable strength and I'm so glad you have invited us all on this journey....

Tracy Reynolds said...

Beautifully written. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. God bless you all!

Shari U said...

Denise, Truly, my deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your husband and your children's father. I'm amazed and inspired by your strength. God bless you.

Sheryl said...

WOW!! I came over from SITS and decided to stay and read a little. What a powerful post. Obiously we share a faith in the same Savior. I am going to stay and get to know you better.

Mary said...

You.took.my.breathe.away.
Denise, you are a strong woman, and once again I stand in awe.