The Amazing Race

Tonight I watched the premiere of Season 14 of The Amazing Race. I've watched other reality tv shows over the years-- the original Big Brother, Survivor, The Bachelor, The Biggest Loser, but The Amazing Race is the only one I've ever wanted to actually do myself.

Sure I've toyed with the idea of Survivor, if only for the weight loss program. If you can manage to stay on that show a few weeks, you're guaranteed at least a 20 pound weight loss. But I confess that I'm not into eating bugs, and I'm not really much of schemer so I think I can cross that one off the list. I don't think I'd make it on the show anyway. They probably want to know why you want to be on Survivor and I'm pretty sure losing weight isn't what they are looking for in possible contestants. And unfortunately, I'm not quite obese enough for The Biggest Loser.

The Bachelor is out too. I am single now, but there's something about dating a guy who's dating 20 other women at the same time that just turns me off. No thank you. I have this thing called pride and either you want me or you don't. I don't share. And I'm sure not kissing some guy who's kissed half of LA in the last 24 hours. Ever heard of herpes?


But The Amazing Race, now that's a contest I can sink my teeth into. For one thing, international travel isn't a new concept for me. I've been to Asia 3 times and Europe once. And let's not forget that I was alone in Vietnam with a 4 year old and 3 month old for 3 weeks, so being in another country finding my way around doesn't intimate me. Doesn't schlepping around the Hanoi silk market in the rain with a crappy stroller qualify me for something? But as ready as I think I am, what it really boils down to is your partner.

On The Amazing Race, your partner can make or break your chances of winning, or more importantly, not finishing last.

{Is this not the show for not quite over achievers? The only time you have to be in first it the very last show!}

You're stuck with this person, hopefully for the entire 22 days of the race and you're faced with many irritation producing events. Not only can this person make you look like an idiot by default, this person can also bring out the worst in you. If raging hormones are an issue, the partner's life might hang in the balance. Unfortunately, you can't finish the race without your partner, so dead or alive, they're going with you. It might prove a bit challenging to drag around someone Weekend At Bernie's style but it would be an easy choice as to who was doing the bungie jump off Europe's tallest dam. I've been dragging children's limp bodies around for years-- I've totally got an advantage there. However, I think the key is to pick someone you're less likely to kill.

I've given a lot of thought into who my partner would be since the beginning of the show. Several years ago, I told Darrell that he was out. He was short on patience and quick on getting irritated. "I love you but... no way. I'm not having the entire country watch you get mad at me." Brutal honesty. All my younger children are out. Oh my word, the whining would drive even the sanest person over the edge. Ross would be a nightmare on The Race. Picture impatient, picky eater, whiner who doesn't like to travel. Out.

In the end, I think I'd chose my oldest son Trace. While I'm basically a nice, open person, Trace is nice but can be quite scheming. He's also pretty patient, as am I, and more importantly, he's willing to be the bungee jumper. I think I could carry a 50 pound cheese wheel down a steep hill without a problem, shoot I carry 50 pounds around every day-- 25 pounds on each hip with the names of Ryan and Emma. But bungee jumping? That's what my partner is for.

It's nice to have a back up though. There's always the chance that Trace might bail on me, so I've decided to take applications for potential partners just in case.

Wanted: Patient, physically strong person-- slow to anger but quick witted. Must be willing to go days with little sleep, willing to eat exotic cuisine, and not afraid of heights. Knowledge of multiple foreign languages a plus.

Only qualified applicants need apply.



I am required to state that my brother Rick called to remind me that The Amazing Race was on tonight. I believe his exact words were "You're going to mention me in your blog, aren't you?" My duty has now been fulfilled. Lucky for him, my post was about the show. It might have been pretty weird to give him a shout out if my post was about poopy diapers. Or would it???