The last few days I have "relived" my Vietnam experience. I want to thank everyone for their very kind comments. Several people have told me that I was "amazing"-- trust me, I'm not amazing. I'm just someone doing what I felt I was supposed to do.
For almost 2 year now I have thought about writing a book. The length of time alone tells you its not about my Vietnam adoption. Its actually about Darrell's accident and death. So much happened in that 5 weeks and God was very actively working in my life then. I felt so sure that God was telling us Darrell would live and I was encouraged to believe this because I was not the only one who felt that way. I journaled the entire time, 1) to help give me some emotional release and 2) I thought from the very beginning that God would use our story to glorify HIM through Darrell's healing. God was glorified many times, over and over, but when Darrell died I thought I must have gotten that part wrong too. God tried to show me the week after Darrell's death that I was wrong, but I wouldn't listen, and honestly I didn't understand it. But 6 months later He was showing me again that He had work for me.
I had no idea how I would be used. At first I thought it was to comfort other widows but really didn't feel called in that direction. I started writing a little bit and stopped.
My sister in law, Karol, says that we are refined with each hardship we face. With all my experiences I think I must be a large lump of coal. I am not perfect. I am so far from perfect!!! But I think my experiences with Darrell and Vietnam show us that God is faithful. He never promised me that Darrell would live. He never promised me that I would get Emma or bring her home. He simply asked me to obey and He promised to stay with me through it all.
So to answer the title of my post: Where do we go from here?
We go forward.
We go forward because to linger on the pain of the past does us no good. We take what we learn from these experiences and we march on into the future. God sent us here on earth for such a short time for a purpose. I think that purpose is to live life to the fullest and to love those around us.
And we can't do that if we're stuck in the past.
1 month ago