Saturday, July 18, 2009

Sometimes Life Gets in the Way

I apologize for my lack of posting lately but in all honesty, right now is the first time I've had free time in about 2 weeks.

My life is crazy right now and not necessarily the good kind. There's the obvious "lots of kids" added to "kids home for summer" but there's more too. There's financial. My income has dropped significantly over the last six months and sometimes it's just hard to process let alone react to. But I think the piece that has pushed me over the edge, so to speak, is having to deal with a bunch of Darrell related situations. One required me to write a letter to Darrell stating how his death has affected me. That letter must have released some latent grief because I had many tear filled days during and after the writing of the letter. I'm starting to feel better but let's just say I haven't my Glass Half Full self.

There were times that considered writing a post letting you all know about how I have been feeling but other then the lack of time, when I did have time after 11:00 p.m., when the kids were all finally in bed, writing about how I felt was the last thing I wanted to do. I'm sorry if I've let some of you down. I do have some things to tell you such as Emma's 2nd birthday (how can my baby be 2?) and Jenna losing a top front tooth. Or even finding Ryan and Gauge trying to wash themselves in the powder room after getting in a wet sandbox. That one happened this morning and it was hours later that I realized "the old me" would have instantly reached for the camera. I just need to find the joy part of me again. I know it's in there somewhere.

24 comments:

Dana said...

We love you here in Texas and you're in our prayers. March 7 is my mom's birthday but I think of you and send extra prayers your way on 'her' day. I know that you've got lots of sources of support, but just reminding that I'm also only a phone call away.

Nancy said...

I've admired you for your courage and ability to be a single mom and to handle it all with a great sense of humor. Hopefully, the letter you wrote will help you with your healing process. You have let no one down by not blogging, but your were sorely missed

Brandy said...

Stop being silly. You haven't let anyone down. I only wish there was something that I could do to pull you out of your funk. If there is you better let me know!

Don't think that I expect you to be "on" all the time, it's just that I hate to see you hurting like that.

{hugs}

Kat said...

I agree with Nancy, you need to heal yourself before you will be the "old" Denise. Writing that letter was a very difficult thing that reopened many wounds that I'm sure you thought were closed. It is all part of the healing process, what you lost was not a "minor" thing, but you have done an exceptional job with it.

We do miss the adventures in your house of many children but do so understand. When you feel inclined to share you know (I hope) that we will be here ready to laugh and cry and enjoy all that you have to share.

~Issy said...

You haven't let anyone down, sweetie....just take care of you and know that we all keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Much love...

The Johnson 5 said...

Our blogs aren't suppose to make us feel guilty! There there to share all those little moments that we want to REMEMBER. Life gets in the way and that's OK. I just want you to get put of this funk and be back in a place in your head where you like to be.

I'm praying for you girl!

Kristin said...

You are an amazing woman and we all love you! You don't have to feel bad for anything! I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you're feeling better soon :)

Margaret M said...

I am a firm believer that Life does get in the Way. When I am the most emotional like when initially seperating and then going through the divorce, I avoided the blog. I couldn't process my feelings and let alone write about them. It is okay to take time for yourselves. The blog can only be cathartic if we also take time to ourselves when we need it. Thinking of you!!!!! HUGS!

Beth said...

Denise... take care of yourself...and don't worry about us in blogland... I hope you can find some peace and solice!

Angel said...

We love you Denise, Itjust must be the time of the year, I sent a lettr to my Sharon in heaven...it's hard to miss them. I am praying for you, God Bless.

Marian said...

You are never letting anyone down when you are taking care of yourself. Processing grief is a necessity in life and it takes work. It isn't fair, but in the end it is worth it. Take care of yourself and have patience with yourself, the same patience you share with your kids :-) You will find your joy again!

Shari U said...

Denise, I was just wondering about you earlier today. I'm sorry things have been hard for you. You certainly haven't let anyone down, you have your hands full and I think we can all appreciate that. Being a mom to 6 is a big job, add to that the fact that you're a single mom to 6 and on top of that, that you and your family are still grieving. Praying for your peace. God bless you.

Jill said...

Denise! You most certainly HAVE NOT let ANYONE down! You have to take care of yourself and your sweet kiddos! You are an awesome Momma!

I want you to know that you are MISSED but I SO WANT you to rediscover your joy in life.

XO
Jill

Regina said...

Denise,
You have been missed. I am so sorry that you are going through a rough time. Please know that you are in my prayers. I love your blog because you feel like you can talk about the good times as well as the bad. You let us in and we care about you.
Blessings,
Regina

The Sharp Family said...

Big big hugs to you my sweet friend. I hope that peace and love surround you and give you a lift when you need it most. Just think... this time last year we were in China... probably at Starbucks to be exact. I do appreciate your friendship and think that you are an amazing mother. Please let me know if there is anything in this world I can do for you. Chin up.... xoxo

Rocksee said...

You. Are the bomb.

Carey-Life in the Carpool Lane said...

There is no reason to apologize though the explanation is nice because I was worried.

It sounds like you are having another round of serious grief which sounds perfectly normal to me considering you lost such a huge part of your world.

Soon, the joy will start to bubble up to the top again. You'll see your glass as half full and reach for the camera when your crazy adorable kids are doing what they do best...making you see the humor in everyday mom situations.

I'm thinking of you...

Angel said...

Hope you get to feeling better.

I really admire your ability to handle what you do on your own. I only have one little one and I feel like you do a lot of the time. You're totally my hero ;)

Angie's Spot said...

Sending you big hugs and "glass is half full" vibes! You're an amazing person and I'm completely inspired by your strength. :-)

The Gotch 5 said...

Oh Denise it sounds like this has been a really rough time. I admire you so much for your strength. You are a wonderful person and you do not need to apologize for trying to get through your days. I do miss your posts and I am happy that you are ok but take the time you need to take care of you!! Hang in there girl I will pray that your spirit is full of laughter again soon!

Shannon said...

You've got to take care of yourself and the kiddos first... we'll still be here, don't worry about us!

Take care!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I'm here for the first time and I love your blog and how you write such heartfelt posts.

Take time for you and when the time is right to get back into blogging, you'll know it.

Lindsey's mom said...

Hey Lady..you have not let anyone down!! You are being HUMAN!!! I still get that way sometime. Jesse had his MRI's and I KNEW he was fine..but still cried when he went in. It brought a lot back for me. It has been nearly 4 years and I still have my days. I think that is what keeps them with us. God Bless!!
Kathy

Heather said...

Hey you! I hope I didn't make you feel guilty. I too was worried about you. I also admire you as so many others on here do. You are an amazing mom and woman. And if you need some time down then you take all of it you want AND just know that I am here to take you out for an evening if you need it. I can listen with the best of them. :)