Anatomy Lessons

Lately Jenna has been fascinated with a certain male anatomy part.

Now let's stop right there. You all are probably thinking She wants us to think she means one thing but really she means something else.

You would be wrong.

Today's post comes with a PG 13 rating as opposed to my usual G or PG rating. Hang onto your hats people.

When we were preparing to leave for China to get Ryan this summer I thought perhaps Jenna and I should have a refresher course on the male anatomy. She doesn't see her older brothers naked and it has been almost 3 years since she last saw Darrell. So one day I just casually mentioned that Ryan would look different than her and the rest of us girls, that Ryan would have a penis.

The old movie line from Kindergarten Cop comes to mind "Girls have a vagina and boys have a penis." It was just like that but I left the vagina part out. I just told her that girls pee out of a little hole in the front and boys use their "equipment" but I used the proper anatomical word. We have enough nicknames for all sorts of things in this house. My luck I would inadvertently give the nickname of something cute and cuddly for a penis.

Yeah, we're not going to go there. I said this was PG 13, not R.

When we first got Ryan she noticed the difference but wasn't that interested, that is until recently. For some reason, she's starting to notice and comment.

"Ryan's thing is hanging out." Jenna will say if Ryan walks around without a diaper.

"It's not a thing. Its a penis."

"Its gross."

Believe it or not this is not the first time she has criticized the male anatomy before. Flashback a little over 3 years ago. We are not a modest family. The girls and I are naked in front of each other quite a bit and Darrell used to not think much about being naked in front of the girls when they were little. But one day Darrell got out of the shower and walked into our bedroom just as Jenna was walking in. Jenna was 2 and had seen her daddy naked many times but for some reason that day, Jenna pointed to Darrell's nether region and uttered a sound no man ever wants to hear in relation to that area.

"Ewww!!!"

Darrell glared at me and said "She's never to see me naked again!"

I tried to sympathize but somehow "I'm so sorry! She's knows not what she speaks of!" just doesn't seem very genuine when uttered between uncontrollable fits of laughter. I never claimed to be the perfect wife.

The other night the 3 youngest children were all playing in the bathtub. To me the bathtub is the winter time equivalent of the summer swimming pool. I have a big jacuzzi tub in my bathroom and at night when the kids are obviously bored and tired of being cooped up indoors I'll announce "Let's take a bath!" and off we go upstairs to spend the next 30 minutes being entertained by a plethora of toys in a tub full of water. Oh, and they get clean too. A nice fringe benefit.

But that night Jenna and Ryan were playing with naked Barbies and rolling around and Jenna suddenly announced with great outrage "His wiener touched me!"

A thousand things went through my mind: Should I be concerned? Should they stop taking baths together? Where did she learn the word "wiener" in regards to the male anatomy? Did I remember to turn on the dishwasher? Should I order that shirt online or go to the store? The mall is really crowded right now...

"I'm sure it was an accident." I told her. "Where did you learn the word 'wiener'?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She does that a lot lately. Its her new "it" thing.

"Did you learn it at school? From your brothers?"

More shoulder shrugging.

"Well, wiener is probably not a good name to be using for a penis." I said. "We should call it a penis." Then I wondered if I should bring up touching wieners, er, I mean penises. Here goes nothing. "You know girls shouldn't touch boys penises."

The look on her face was one an exasperated mother gives to her irritating child. "I know that! We learned that at school." The annoyance was palpable. "Why do you think I told you that his penis touched me?"

Who could argue with that?

I worry about this girl of mine though. She seems more worldly than her older sister. A lifetime of Hannah Montana and The Wizards of Waverly Place will do that I suppose. What happened to sweet shows like Lizzy McGuire where the girls weren't so sassy? Jenna seems to pick up on things that flew over Julia's head. Jenna walking around singing "Womanizer" by Brittany Spears doesn't make me feel better either. Nothing screams childhood innocence like a 5 year old walking around with her hand on her hip singing "Womanizer, womanizer, oh you're a womanizer."

I think I need to be looking into all girl Catholic schools. Or chastity belts. Or homeschooling. Or all of the above. I think I'm in for a wild ride with this one.

Oh, and we're not even going to get into Ryan's fascination with my breasts. I think we've had enough anatomy for one day.