Thursday, December 11, 2008

Anatomy Lessons

Lately Jenna has been fascinated with a certain male anatomy part.

Now let's stop right there. You all are probably thinking She wants us to think she means one thing but really she means something else.

You would be wrong.

Today's post comes with a PG 13 rating as opposed to my usual G or PG rating. Hang onto your hats people.

When we were preparing to leave for China to get Ryan this summer I thought perhaps Jenna and I should have a refresher course on the male anatomy. She doesn't see her older brothers naked and it has been almost 3 years since she last saw Darrell. So one day I just casually mentioned that Ryan would look different than her and the rest of us girls, that Ryan would have a penis.

The old movie line from Kindergarten Cop comes to mind "Girls have a vagina and boys have a penis." It was just like that but I left the vagina part out. I just told her that girls pee out of a little hole in the front and boys use their "equipment" but I used the proper anatomical word. We have enough nicknames for all sorts of things in this house. My luck I would inadvertently give the nickname of something cute and cuddly for a penis.

Yeah, we're not going to go there. I said this was PG 13, not R.

When we first got Ryan she noticed the difference but wasn't that interested, that is until recently. For some reason, she's starting to notice and comment.

"Ryan's thing is hanging out." Jenna will say if Ryan walks around without a diaper.

"It's not a thing. Its a penis."

"Its gross."

Believe it or not this is not the first time she has criticized the male anatomy before. Flashback a little over 3 years ago. We are not a modest family. The girls and I are naked in front of each other quite a bit and Darrell used to not think much about being naked in front of the girls when they were little. But one day Darrell got out of the shower and walked into our bedroom just as Jenna was walking in. Jenna was 2 and had seen her daddy naked many times but for some reason that day, Jenna pointed to Darrell's nether region and uttered a sound no man ever wants to hear in relation to that area.


Darrell glared at me and said "She's never to see me naked again!"

I tried to sympathize but somehow "I'm so sorry! She's knows not what she speaks of!" just doesn't seem very genuine when uttered between uncontrollable fits of laughter. I never claimed to be the perfect wife.

The other night the 3 youngest children were all playing in the bathtub. To me the bathtub is the winter time equivalent of the summer swimming pool. I have a big jacuzzi tub in my bathroom and at night when the kids are obviously bored and tired of being cooped up indoors I'll announce "Let's take a bath!" and off we go upstairs to spend the next 30 minutes being entertained by a plethora of toys in a tub full of water. Oh, and they get clean too. A nice fringe benefit.

But that night Jenna and Ryan were playing with naked Barbies and rolling around and Jenna suddenly announced with great outrage "His wiener touched me!"

A thousand things went through my mind: Should I be concerned? Should they stop taking baths together? Where did she learn the word "wiener" in regards to the male anatomy? Did I remember to turn on the dishwasher? Should I order that shirt online or go to the store? The mall is really crowded right now...

"I'm sure it was an accident." I told her. "Where did you learn the word 'wiener'?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She does that a lot lately. Its her new "it" thing.

"Did you learn it at school? From your brothers?"

More shoulder shrugging.

"Well, wiener is probably not a good name to be using for a penis." I said. "We should call it a penis." Then I wondered if I should bring up touching wieners, er, I mean penises. Here goes nothing. "You know girls shouldn't touch boys penises."

The look on her face was one an exasperated mother gives to her irritating child. "I know that! We learned that at school." The annoyance was palpable. "Why do you think I told you that his penis touched me?"

Who could argue with that?

I worry about this girl of mine though. She seems more worldly than her older sister. A lifetime of Hannah Montana and The Wizards of Waverly Place will do that I suppose. What happened to sweet shows like Lizzy McGuire where the girls weren't so sassy? Jenna seems to pick up on things that flew over Julia's head. Jenna walking around singing "Womanizer" by Brittany Spears doesn't make me feel better either. Nothing screams childhood innocence like a 5 year old walking around with her hand on her hip singing "Womanizer, womanizer, oh you're a womanizer."

I think I need to be looking into all girl Catholic schools. Or chastity belts. Or homeschooling. Or all of the above. I think I'm in for a wild ride with this one.

Oh, and we're not even going to get into Ryan's fascination with my breasts. I think we've had enough anatomy for one day.


Donna said...

So what did she mean by weiner if she didn't mean penis? I'm confused! :)

BTW, I TAGGED you on my blog again. Sorry, you are the funniest person to tag, plus you actually play. Last time I tagged people, half of them bailed on me and I was bummed.

Have fun!

Kristin said...

Love this post!! Sounds like something that would happen at my house.

Except that daddy strongly dislikes us using anatomically correct words. He doesn't like the silly words either.

He prefers no discussion about it at all. :-)

debi said...

You are so funny! Remind me to tell you the story about my (now 15) 4 yr. old son's blood currdeling scream about his "tenticles"! and yes, I called them tenticles....

Kids never seem not to amaze me! :)


annie kelleher said...

ha, that's funny. we're not exactly a modest family, either and my girls always thought the male member was an "ew." LOL

Denise said...

Oh, I so needed and laugh right now...thank you!!!

Denise said...

Denise, just doin' my part to help humanity. I'm just a giver like that.

Sorry, couldn't resist!

Sandy Toes said...

Great post...and funny too!!!
-sandy toes

Lindsey's mom said...

TO FUNNY!!!! We are going through that but it is L's fasination with Jesse!! HE was in the bathroom and he yelled.."L grabbed my penis!! While I was peeing!!!". I cleaned everyone up and could not stop laughing..away from the kids mind you. Isn't life fun with kids..I deal with this daily as an elem nurse..the use of the proper words..walk into a kindie glass to teach good touch bad touch and say penis and you get a room full of "EWWW and GIGGLES!" I love KIDS!!!
BTW..Jesse has his undescended testicles fixed at age 3 and is not fixated on his "balls"..YES I told him the correct term.

Kristin--My DH is the same discusion!!! LOL!

Auds at Barking Mad said...

This is an awesome post...from one mother of girls to another, it really speaks to me. It makes me laugh, but only because I can more than commiserate.

As the mom of an almost 3 year old who we are trying to potty train, keep an eye on my blog about the "Vagina Conversations" we've been having. I'll post them probably on Monday. As a result of trying to teach her the proper names of body parts my husband has vowed never ever ever to take her to the store again! Ever!

Great post.

The Johnson 5 said...

We also use the "correct" terms for our parts. I learned from my parents not to use "other" words...
My parents use to use the word "whistle" (don't ask me why because I don't know) for my brothers penis and one day we were at our catholic school fair and my friend was playing a game with my little brother and they won a "whistle" She asked him Billy have you ever blown in a whistle before (his was 5, mind you) he ran away from her screaming.

So I always said we would use the correct words :)

no screaming whistle blowing here....

Oh yes and order the shirt on line the malls are CRAZY!!

Denise said...

Kathy, Emma has grabbed Ryan's too. It usually happens when he walks around with is diaper off, which actually isn't very often or for very long but apparently a lot happens in that short time period. I've seen poor little Ryan walking around covering himself with his hand when he's close to Emma!

Heidi, that is hilarious!!! OMG!This is worthy of its own blog post!

Jill said...

Denise!! I am laughing and laughing out here in the good ole Midwest!

Crystal said...

I think you're right about Jenna......wild ride! So sorry for you!

P.S. I bought all four Twilight books on and am about 1/2 way through the first and addicted! I stayed up until almost 1 AM reading last night and meant to be in bed by 11 or 12 at the latest!

Denise said...

Crystal, just doing my part to foster and encourage my addictions on other people. It makes me feel a BIT more normal. LOL

Seriously though, NOW you understand what I was talking about!

Heather Thompson said...

I can always count on these updates for a smile! This sounds like something that would happen at my house. We've been having similar conversations and my dd is only 3!

Lorie said...

LOL....I suppose Kaylie just doesn't care, lucky me, because I give her a bath w/ my nephew that is 3 1/2 weeks older than her, but they have been getting baths together from day one, so I guess it just came natural to her....THANK GOD!!!!

Kay Bratt said...

Why can't all moms use the correct names for anatomy? My stepson was taught to call his personal part a "Willie" and it ruined that name for me for all time.

And another family I know calls his the "Pickle" is so strange to hear a child say his "Pickle his hurting." And when he is in our home, the Del Monte jar stays in the is too awkward to bring it out!

On the other hand, since I don't have a little boy of my own, I guess I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be in public for a child to holler out, "Mama, my penis is hurting!" so maybe pet names are necessary after all???

Thanks for the chuckle..

Brandy said...

LMAO! I'm sorry to laugh at your predicament but the "wiener" thing took the cake.

And yes our kids grow up way too fast nowadays.

Crystal said...

Sorry it took me so long to respond, Denise! I am done with the 1st and 2nd and have just started the 3rd! Addicted! They are great and I will be sad when their story is over. I have been looking around to see if she will do any more and it looks like there will be in a 5th and 6th (she says she knows the ending) but not for a while because she is burnt out. I saw that info quite a bit so I hope it's true! I have fallen in love with Edward and Bella's love. Thanks for getting me addicted....addiction is not always a bad thing...LOL!