Chasing Rainbows

Almost 4 years ago I learned that life is short.  You can plan to do things "some day" but some day may never come.

When I was a little girl I loved to read.  I also loved to write.  In the 4th grade I had a dream that I loved so much I decided to write it down.  I got a spiral notebook and hand wrote 40 pages, front and back, before I stopped.  I don't really remember what the dream was about but I still remember the burning desire to take the dreams in my head and put them on paper. I still have that burning desire.

My blog has reincarnated a part of me that was long lost, the writer.  I love putting our crazy stories into words (and photos.)  I love being able to use my imagination to come up with some of the off the wall ideas that make it on my blog.  But there's a part of me that wants more.

I was writing the story of Darrell's accident and death.  I know there's a story to tell but it's a painful one.  The farther I get from it sometimes the harder it is to revisit it.  So, for now, that project is on hold.

This past summer the seed of an idea was planted in my head.  The idea of a story.  The story grew, and changed and by September I had a plot of a novel.  I researched.  I organized my plot in a flow chart on a dry erase board.  I wrote part of my first chapter, the seed that grew into the plot on my board.  And then I stopped.

Writing a book is a daunting task.  There's a lot of words.  There's a lot of planning.  Characters, plots, subplots, motivation.  But there's also fear.  What if I can't do it?  What if it's bad?  The entire month of October, two people lived in my head begging to come to life but yet I couldn't do it.  What if I failed?

November is National Novel Writing Month.  Over a decade ago some people got together and challenged themselves to write a novel* in a month, 30 days-- the month of November.  They named it NaNoWriMo. (* A full length novel is actually 80,000-100,000 words which is my ultimate goal.)  I decided NaNoWriMo was exactly what I needed.  I also needed to realize that a first draft can suck, in fact usually does suck. Once I realized that it gave me the freedom to write without fear.

Now on November 8th, I have written 14,071 words, 17, 569 words total when I include what I wrote before.  My story is flying onto the keyboard and the amazing part is that I love it.  It's a first draft, so it's far from perfect, but I love it nevertheless.  But even better is support that I have gotten.

I expected people to call me crazy.  I expected looks of "oh isn't that cute, she thinks she can write a book."  I never expected the full on support that I have received. I never expected people to be excited about my book.  I have been blessed beyond belief to have people ask how it's coming, cheering me on.  This morning at church, my 10 year old nephew Zach asked me what my current word count was. My friend Kathleen, a doctor, answers my every medical research question, even the most mundane,  and is happy to do it.  My friend Kristi, a medical transcriptionist, answers every question I have about the job of a transcriptionist.  I've had 3 people offer to edit my book when it's done.

I ask myself, if all these people believe in me without hesitation, how can I not?

And so I write and my heart fills with joy with every word that goes onto my screen and I think maybe, just maybe, I've finally found myself.