Lazy Days of Summer My Arse

My lazy days of summer have yet to arrive which is really a downer. I'm one of those moms who totally looks forward to summer vacation and I'm usually not ready for school to start back up. And while part of that is because I like to sleep in in the morning, the biggest part is I like spending time with my kids.

But this summer has kicked me in the booty.

Here's a typical day in my summer life: (maybe you'll have new empathy for me at the end.)

Get up around 8:30 (yeah it's a rough life, but it gets better-- you'll see) to the sounds of Ryan moaning in his bed. Every morning he moans when he wakes up. He refuses to get out of bed so I end up yelling "Ryan you can get up" about 5 times before he finally comes to see me. It's really fun when it happens at 6:00 and I make him get in bed with me while I try to get more sleep. The fun part is when he's attempting to pry my eyes open repeating "sponge bob" over and over. (I think it's his mantra) I freely admit to being more than a little cranky in this situation. Bad mommy.

Breakfast: I try to decide whether to feed the children cereal, make breakfast of just give them Paula Deen's Three Chocolate Cookies. Today I made cinnamon raisin biscuits (from scratch) and feed the children a pound of strawberries (literally) while they were baking. With 4 kids lined up at the counter, they ate them as quickly as I could wash them and cut the tops off. In the process, there was a lot of elbowing and spilling of juice and dry cereal that was tiding them over until the biscuits where. Oh and crying, we can't forget the crying. Biscuits come out of the oven and no one eats them but me. (But I only had one. Really)

Clean up: I clean up the kitchen while the children destroy the living room, entry way and hearth room. I think I'm going to get a giant play pen. Or dog kennel.

Dressing: Drag small children one by one upstairs to change clothes. Try to get dressed myself but get distracted by Facebook.

It's now 11:00

Errands: Load 4 children with 2 car seats and one to booster seat. Drive to Office Max to finish school supply shopping. Emma rides in front of cart and Ryan in the back. Jenna "touches" the side of the cart sending Ryan into hysterical crying. Later Emma wants out to stand on the edge of the cart, I put her back in, more hysterical crying. Mommy sees total and breaks out into hysterical crying (okay not really, but I wanted to.)

Starbucks because my day just isn't complete without it (which means most of my days aren't complete) This Starbucks doesn't have a drive thru but it's right next to Office Max so I drag 4 children in with me. Emma doesn't want to leave and wanders around the store evading my grasp. She is eventually "herded" out with her siblings. Off to home

Lunch: It's now 1:00 so lunch time. Heat up chicken nuggets and serve with fresh broccoli and ranch dressing. And of course, more strawberries.

Nap time: Take Ryan and Emma upstairs for nap. Change Emma. Have Ryan pee in the toilet and optimistically put him down for a nap in panties underwear.

Nap time Part Two: Clean up kitchen, laundry, mop floor, help tackle Julia's sewing project (an apron) Check Facebook and email.

Wake up time: Ryan wakes up and has peed the bed. Emma wakes up. Change Ryan. Change Emma. Put them in front of tv to watch recorded Yo Gabba Gabba. Someone comes to front door. Ryan pees on sofa.

Clean up time: Pull out my mother's carpet shampooer (which has lived at my house for 3 months) that has a hand held attachment. Shampoo all the cushions on sofa. Shampoo mattress (Brilliant mommy forgot the water proof mattress pad) Throw sheets, pillow (yes, he peed on his pillow!) and several changes of clothes into washing machine. It's now 3:30.

Snack time: Feed children goldfish and realize that I haven't planned dinner. Pull chicken out of freezer. Watch children play outside. Check Facebook and email on my phone.

Dinner: At 5:00 I decide to make chicken quesadillas for dinner. Chop chicken and onions. Cook dinner. Eat dinner. Clean up dinner.

After dinner: Children play in backyard under my watchful eye.

Snack time: Feed children cereal, fruit, cheese or ice cream. Not all at the same time.

Bath time: 8:30 Children take a bath. Four children in one tub.

Bed time: Attempt to clothe small children. Attempt to brush teeth. Attempt to brush hair. Attempt to find Toudee and Foofa for Emma. Attempt to find one of the many blankets that Ryan has decided he needs to have at bed time yet never seem to be around. Rock in rocking chair and sing songs. Current favorite: song Mommy made up--

Who loves Ryan? Momma does. Momma does. Who loves Emma? Momma does. Momma does. Who loves her babies in the morning? Who loves her babies in the afternoon? Who loves her babies in the evening? Hmm? Momma does. Momma does! Who loves Ryan? Momma does. Momma does. Who loves Emma? Momma does. Momma does? (repeat. repeat. repeat.)

Put children in bed: Listen to Emma and Ryan talk. Try to convince Julia and Jenna that it's not child abuse to go to bed before 10:00. Girls end up in bed about 10:30 which means DFS doesn't need to be involved.

Mommy time: About 10:30. Mommy pulls out laptop and turns on HGTV. Checks email. Makes witty lame comments on Facebook. Blog (Okay, I just saw you spit out your beverage of choice all over the computer) Reads a book. Can't stop reading book. Turns off light and go to bed around 2:00 -2:30 am.

Tired yet?

Emma wakes up: 3:30 and won't go back to sleep. Drag her into my bed. She keeps asking for Ross who she knows will let her watch Yo Gabba Gabba in the middle of the night. She goes to sleep around 4:30

Wake up: 8:30 -- not looking so good now, huh?

Lately I've been trying to get some gym time in there too. I've lost 6 pounds in the last 2 weeks!!! I think I need a clone.

But there's another busy mom out there-- Melissa d'Arabian, the newest The Next Food Network Star! Her new show airs this Sunday at 12:30 eastern time. I got a press release about it a few days ago and when I got it I thought "Wow! I would so love to be part of a press conference for her!" So for once, I decided to be proactive and emailed the FN publicist that sent the email and begged offered to be part of a conference call if one was available. This morning I got an email asking me to participate! The call is set for Friday morning and I am so excited. I've got a million questions I would love to ask her but I only get to ask 2-4. Let me know if there's anything you're dieing to know.

Wow, this post turned into one big whine fest -- I think I need some cheese.

Sandra Lee's Money Saving Meals

A few weeks ago I got the opportunity to take part in a telephone conference call with Sandra Lee, the Food Network host of Sandra's Money Saving Meals and Semi-Homemade. The conference was to promote Sandra Lee's Fourth of July show on her Sandra's Money Saving Meals which aired on June 28th.

My bad.

Okay, so it's too late for you to watch the special but it's not too late to try out her recipes or you could even check out her show which airs on Sunday's at 12 pm/11 central or Mondays at 2 pm/1 central. The premise of her show is that she makes a budget meal one day and saves part of the prepared ingredients for the next days' budget meal. Her 4th of July recipes were for Ale House Burgers with a Red Onion Compote. Her Round 2 meal, made with ground beef from the Ale House Burgers, is for a Ale and Onion Meatloaf. I am proud to say I made them BOTH. On the actual 4th of July, no less. I'm here to tell you that those burgers were delicious. No joke. In fact, they were so good I've made them 2 times since then. The meatloaf was okay, but half of my kids turn their noses up at meatloaf anyway. I try to tell them it's just a giant rectangular hamburger but to no avail. Oh well, you can't win them all.

Speaking of you can't win them all, during the conference call there was no sign of Tyler Florence at all. Again. I keep hoping that some day I'll get invited to participate in one featuring Tyler.

Sorry but if I'm going to talk about my man Tyler, I've got to include a picture. Can that man handle a pepper grinder!

Then again, if Food Network really reads this post and any previous posts about my crush on him then they might be scared to let me talk to him. I promise to be good. I'd probably be too busy hyperventilating to do anything embarrassing anyway.

If I Only Had a Press Badge

I'm very tardy in telling you about my Food Network telephone press conference with Keegan Gerhard on Monday. Let me just give you a sample transcript:

Host: I want to welcome you all to the conference and you can go around and introduce yourselves. We'll start with Keegan.

Keegan: Hi everyone.

Me: Oh my goodness! I'm talking to Keegan Gerhard!!! Is it you? Is it really you? Is Tyler Florence there with you?

Keegan: {Nervous laughter}

Host: Could you please state your name and tell us your website?

Me: Oh my goodness!! I'm Denise from There's Always Room For One More. Do I get to ask my questions now?

Host: Let's go around and get everyone else's name and then you can ask your questions.

Other people: Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Host: Okay, we'll start off with Denise. You may ask Keegan your question.

Me: Do you know Tyler Florence? You have to because you both work there. I bet he's there in the building with you right now! How many times a day do you get to see him?

Keegan: {Clearing throat} Um, you do realize that I'm the host of Food Network Challenge and this press conference is about our new 4 week series Last Cake Standing? It's a first for us because it combines challenges with elimination. It was a very intense series and we're excited for people to see it.

Me: Yada, yada, yada. Cakes. Competition. People eliminated. Do you know Tyler?

Keegan: {laughing} Yes, Tyler and I have met a few times.

Me: Is he there right now? What was he wearing when you saw him? Did he smell good?

Host: Denise you are only allowed to ask two questions and you've gone over your limit.

Me: But he didn't even answer them! Besides at White House press conferences they always ask multiple questions and call it part of one question. Mine's all about Tyler: one question. Is Tyler there in the Food Network building right now?

Keegan: {laughing} Actually he's down the hall taping a segment of Tyler's Ultimate right now. I think he's cooking Veal Parmesan.

Me: He's there? Right now? Are you on speaker phone? {yelling} TYLER! TYLER! CAN YOU HEAR ME? I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

Host: Thank you, Denise. Moving on.

Me: I'm not done yet!

Host: Yes you are.

{Dial tone}

I bet they are so totally asking me to do that again.

Okay, not really. Not the the not asking me again part, the transcript part. It really wasn't anything like that. We did start off stating who we were and what site we were from. I must say, I was a bit humbled. Out of six people asking questions, 3 were REALLY big sites. Moms Salon (Mom Bloggers Club), The Deadbolt.com, Deal Seeking Mom. I was really wondering if they had made some kind of mistake when they asked me. "There's Always Room For One More? We thought you were with May We Have Some More!" Click. Dial tone. Thankfully, they didn't figure that out while we were on the call.

Keegan was a really nice guy, very personable. We were each allowed three questions and none of mine were about Tyler Florence or Crack Bars. Shocking, I know! My first question was "Do you have any say in what the challenges are? Do you all sit around and brain storm ideas?" Keegan said that he does suggest things and some suggestions even come from contestants themselves but ultimately it's decided by the powers that be at Food Network.

My second question was "I'm sure you get asked what your favorite part of hosting the show is but I want to know what your least favorite part is." Keegan said that his least favorite part was probably when contestants showed up for a competition unprepared. Here they were putting their reputation on the line, not to mention the prize money, and then they show up unprepared. And then he added that sometimes he wished he could compete himself.

My third and final question was "I would imagine that you would have favorites in a competition and maybe some people you didn't like. Do you have a hard time not letting that show while you are hosting?" Keegan said that he rarely had people he didn't like, although he might be aggravated they weren't prepared, but he does have favorites sometimes and it was hard to hide that sometimes. But then there's the beauty of editing.

I have to admit, although I've seen Food Network Challenges, I hadn't necessarily given Keegan much thought before (sorry Keegan!) but I found him to be a really nice guy. He seems really excited about his upcoming series and Julia and I are planning on watching it. My only problem is that it starts Sunday night, April 5, and airs at 8:00 PM ET and PT /7:00 CT. Guess when The Amazing Race is on? Good thing my DVR can record 2 shows at a time!

Skirmishes

Many of you suspected that Emma had not completely caved in the bottle war and had some plotting left in her. You smart people would be correct.

On Saturday afternoon, after spending an hour and a half in her baby bed and NOT going to sleep, she got up and decided to entertain herself with a little water play.

At the kitchen sink. While sitting on the kitchen counter, 'cause we all know that she gets the best view of the television up there anyway. I think she was trying to be helpful and wash those dishes in the sink.

Yeah, right.

No nap on Sunday. And then today, I had my press conference (did I mention before that I had a press conference with Food Network??) so I put the babies to bed about 10 minutes before so they wouldn't be interrupting the conference call. I could hear them talking up there while I chatted it up with Keegan Gerhard (not really, I got to ask him 3 questions) and then there was silence.

I suddenly want to burst out into song: ...and echoed... in the sounds... of silence.

That should have been my first clue, well, actually the second. The first was the giggling that went on between Emma and Ryan before the sounds of silence. The second was the silence itself, but we all know what a cockeyed optimist I am. I could burst out into a South Pacific song now, but I'll refrain.

After about 45 minutes I heard Emma talking happy talk, so I went upstairs to get her although if she did sleep it was a really short nap.

{Yes, that's a fig leaf.}

Emma was completely naked. She went to bed wearing a shirt, pants, a diaper and socks. When I found her, she was a bare as the day she was born. New nap time entertainment. Yay. I had no idea she even knew how to get her clothes off.

This girl holds a grudge.

Food Network Calling

I got an email today. Yeah, I know, I get about a hundred emails a day, but this one was special.

This email came from The Food Network and it wasn't a mass email advertising the latest season of The Next Food Network Star. It was a personal email and it even began: Hi Denise.

So the question that begs to be answered is why on earth is The Food Network is emailing me?

I have several theories. The first is because of the multiple times I have bandied Tyler Florence's name around on my blog.

{Helloooo, Stranger.}

Maybe they've decided to resurrect Tyler's old show Food 911 and he's coming to my house to cook with me. Could I actually survive the filming? I might have to get one of those crystal deodorants to make sure I don't get all stinky while he's here. We all know heat and nerves don't work out so well together.

Not to worry, no need to find any crystals. It's not about Tyler.

Maybe it's about my now World Famous Crack Bars.

{Hello, stranger.}

This seems so likely. But what they be interested in? If they put me on one of those shows like Chopped where they give you a picnic basket full of secret ingredients and my basket contains marshmallows, butter and rice crispies then I'm golden. If they give me Cocoa Crispies... dare to dream. If they give me squid, edamame and parsnips--I'm done.

But that wasn't it either. And I never would have guessed what it was. EVER.

The Food Network has invited me to take part in a telephone press conference next Monday afternoon with the host of Food Network Challenge--

Keegan Gerhard.
{Hello... stranger.}

He's going to be hosting a special series of Food Network Challenges titled Last Cake Standing. This will be a 4 week series that not only has pastry chefs competing to see who makes the best cakes but also eliminates chefs along the way. Totally cut throat. Totally cool.

This is like the perfect series for us. Julia and I have watched so much Ace of Cakes and other Food Network Challenge shows featuring cake decorating that Julia asked for fondant for Christmas. Seriously. It was on her list. And she got some. (What a great mom.)

So now I'm trying to figure out what in the world I'll ask Mr. Gerhard because I can't stick to boring questions like "What's your favorite cake flavor?" Please... No it will have to be something like "Surely, you've heard about my World Famous Crack Bars? No? What kind of chef are you?"

But while I'm thinking of questions, I'm going to play this for all it's worth. This is totally my first press conference and I'm going to bask in it. I'll ask my sister-in-law Janne' if she wants me to pick up her kids from school next Monday afternoon and then stop myself and say "I'm sooo sorry! I completely forgot! I've got a press conference to attend!" I'll make an appointment with the dentist and say "My week is pretty open except for Monday afternoon. What's this? Oh yes, I have a press conference."

So stop in next Monday afternoon and I'll tell you all about-- oh wait, I totally forgot! I've got a press conference.

Now if I can just figure out what to wear...