Sometimes You Just Have To Take Matters Into Your Own Hands

Yesterday morning I discovered that Emma had moved the bar stool to the cabinets and climbed up on the counter.

She was busy getting into the cabinet, apparently while Officer Ryan stood guard. Why that particular cabinet?

That's where Mommy keeps the bottles. Sometimes you just have to take care of yourself.

This Means War

"We make war that we might live in peace." Aristotle

"War is Hell" General William Tecumseh Sherman

"The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it." George Orwell

As you all know, I was Cruela Denise and took Emma's bottle away on Monday night. I knew it was time but she was very attached to it, more so than my other kids ever where. In the end, it was my own selfish desire to finally sleep more than 4 hours at a stretch (if I was lucky) that finally made me become mean.

So Monday night we had our first skirmish when I told Emma her bottle was all gone. Then Tuesday afternoon Emma declared war by peeing on my lap. But you know that already.

Mommy 1: Emma 1

What you don't know (unless you have been reading my Facebook updates) is that war was on full force. Emma began trying to wear me down and she had many tactics.

Guerrilla warfare: She dumped a box of Reese's cereal on the floor.

Which the puppy ate some of and then proceed to vomit and poop diarrhea all over my carpet. Double bonus points for Emma.

Mommy 1: Emma 3

Next came bedtime and nap time. If you remember from the video last week, Emma slept in the twin bed and Ryan slept in the toddler bed. In the past, Emma would get out of the toddler bed whenever I put her to bed in it, but the twin bed seemed high enough that she never tried to get out. Until this week. The first night of her crying/fit she slid herself out of bed and it was a whole new ball game for the child. We were up until midnight every night, with her ultimately sleeping in my bed.

Mommy 2: Emma 6

The good news there is that the last two nights she actually slept through the night. The bad news was she refused to take a nap.

Until about 5:00 on Wednesday and Thursday on the living room floor, which then perpetuated the staying up late. Talk about a vicious cycle. And a cranky mommy. Mommy needs her nap time, not personally-- although that might be nice, but her babies nap time so that she can spend uninterrupted time on Facebook get important things done. On Wednesday at nap time, I must have put that child back to bed about 30 times. I finally gave up. Pick and choose your battles, wise words spoken by a war battered general, or a really tired mommy. Same thing.

The final straw was last night. I rocked Emma to sleep and put her in her bed around 9:30. I came downstairs and was in the middle of writing a blog post gloating stating that Emma was asleep before midnight for the first time all week and I was going to take a bath and read a book when Ninja baby showed up.

This must have been her 5th trip down the stairs. I was tired and I considered giving in but I held firm. And although Emma has a bottle hanging out her mouth here...

It's an empty bottle, not even a liner. I just tell her the bottle's all gone.

Mommy 3: Emma 6

So let's recap, shall we? So far Emma's not gotten a bottle full of formula since Tuesday afternoon. In the meantime, Emma's peed on Mommy, spilled cereal, caused the dog to poop and vomit all over carpet, Emma refuses to take a nap and made sure that Mommy has absolutely NO alone time from 6:45 am until midnight, now sleeps in Mommy's bed and clings to Mommy practically all day long.

How is this a good thing again? Oh yeah, I get 6 hours of consecutive sleep. Although I don't really because I'm so used to her waking up in the night I keep waking up wondering if she's okay. Ugh.

But this morning I got an epiphany. Emma wasn't sleeping because she could escape from her bed. If she couldn't escape then she might go to sleep. Since tying her down didn't seem like a good option, (seriously, who has time for a DFS investigation?) I moved onto Option #2.

I converted the toddler bed back into a baby bed. The real trick was convincing Ryan that the big bed was a better choice than the now baby bed. After I showed him the cars and trucks on his sheets, it was go.

{Yes, Ryan was sleeping in the purple butterfly and flower toddler bed while Emma slept in the car and truck bed. Get over it already, Ross.}

Only someone forgot to consult Emma and she was not for this switch. At nap time I put her in the crib and she screamed and cried and cried and screamed until about 30 minutes later, it was quiet. (I had been going up and checking on her and reassuring her every 10 minutes or so) I crept upstairs to investigate. For all I knew she had figured out a way to climb out and she was in my bathroom playing with my makeup, which she had done the day before when she got out of bed at nap time.

But instead she had fallen asleep. Success! Emma may have won more battles but Mommy won the war. Mommy always wins.

If you want to be my friend on Facebook you can find me under Denise Grover Swank. And be sure to join a group I created, just this morning, titled More Housework, Less Facebook! Don't worry, it's just our cover story. We say we are going to do more housework while we really spend more time on Facebook. I can't leave my group unattended now, can I?

Game On

Dear Emma,

You and I have quite the history in your short little life. I lived in Vietnam for 4 weeks just waiting to get you and then I waited for 3 weeks terrified that you wouldn't receive a visa so I could bring you home. Then once you came home, you landed in the hospital 10 days later with RSV. The 6 days you were on a ventilator were incredibly scary and I feared that I had lived through hell just to lose you. But you are one stubborn little girl and it took more than those obstacles to hold you down.

Maybe those scares are what have led to my permissiveness with you. Or perhaps it's because I know you are truly my last baby. Or maybe it's just because when you get something in your head you're going to do it your way no matter what anyone tells you to the contrary. Like getting into the dogs' food and water bowls over and over and over and over again. And over again. You get the point. For I while I thought perhaps your previous malnutrition had affected your reasoning skills. Now I know you're just bull headed.

Your list of special privileges is long and notorious but the top of the list is your bottle. Emma Linh, you are 20 months old and you still need your bottle at nap and bedtime and multiple times through the night. Emma, Mommy is tired and old. I'm tired of getting up multiple times in the middle of the night to give you a bottle. Not to mention you're messing with my REM cycle and my dreams. I can't even remember the last time I had a dream and some nights Mommy could use a good dream or two. Sweetie, I love you but I there is a long list of sins I would commit just for 4 precious hours of consecutive sleep. Dare I dream of 7-8? Nope, I can't. You're too busy waking me up to even have that dream. But two nights ago was the last straw. You woke up three times between midnight and 5 am and then I had to get up at 6:30. It was time for your bottle to go. Zombie Mommy makes a Cranky Mommy and no one wants that. Trust me on this.

Last night I gave you a bottle when you went to bed but you drank it all and wanted another. I decided it was time for the madness to stop. I was so wrong. The madness had only just begun. For 2 hours you cried and carried on, most of which was at my feet or on my lap. I would tell you that your bottle was "all gone" and hand you a sippy cup which you would violently throw on the floor, all the while clutching desperately to your empty bottle. Finally, around 12:30 a.m., after you had happily colored on paper while Mommy cleaned up the kitchen, we went to bed together in my bed. And you went to sleep. Without a bottle. And without tears. Sure you woke up at 5:00 and wanted one, and I gave you one out of sleep deprivation and desperation, but we'll take the small victories.

Today you got a bottle at nap time only because Grandma was watching you. You didn't even know I was gone. You were so exhausted from the night before that you took an almost 4 hour nap. Mommy could have used a nap too. Instead Mommy got to take Ryan to the doctor to find out that finally he was going to get ear tubes. At least I thought you were sleeping. I think you were scheming ways to pay me back.

When you finally woke up, I cuddled you on my lap and then I felt something really warm and really wet. Could you have...?

Yes, you peed on my lap. Pay back, baby. All's fair in love and war and taking away your bottle was a declaration of war.

Game on.

Love,
Mommy