Sunday, September 27, 2009

Blogging is a State of Mind

So where have I gone? And why do I feel like I'm always explaining myself?

All summer I felt like I was in overwhelm. It's better now since the kids are back in school but some days I feel like I start going from the moment I get up until the moment I go to bed. Lots of other bloggers are busy. So what's my excuse?

The beauty of reaching, ahem, a certain age (over 40) is you begin to really become familiar with who you are. I think I've reached the point that I accept some of my flaws and realize that if I haven't changed by now it probably isn't going to happen.

I've learned that I'm terrible about returning things. I've run through my fair share of video rental stores. I've funded more then a couple of books in various public libraries across the lower 48 states with over due book fines. I used to beat myself up about this but I realized that there were worse flaws and to just accept this one. I don't borrow things from friends of neighbors. I rarely rent a movie other than Netflix. I try the library from time to time and then go back to allowing myself to buy a book at Costco every other week, it's what I would pay in late fees anyway.

But I have another flaw that probably needs some work. I'm a classic avoider. The more a situation gets out of hand, the more I avoid it. It's a terrible character trait, one I really do need to work on. Honesty has always been my policy on my blog so here's the honest truth: the longer I go without blogging, the harder it is to do it.

There's so many reasons for this. One is stated above. I don't blog and when I finally do I feel the need to explain myself. So here's the deal. I've confessed my flaw and I'm going to stop apologizing for absences because this is getting beyond ridiculous. Sometime I won't be here. Sometimes I'm going to just jump right in like I have. Hopefully the more I just do it and stop being intimidated (by my ownself, I might add) the sooner I'll get back to normal. Not that anyone could really call me normal.

Two, blogging is a state of mind. When you're full on blog mode everything in your life is potential blog fodder. Your view of life is skewed a bit and it's not entirely a bad thing. But when you get out of blogging mentality its harder to jump right back in.

I'll also confess here that I've considered giving up blogging but ultimately have decided not to stop. I really like to blog when my heart is in it and I really do miss it. I just need to jump back into the saddle again.

And while we're on the topic of blogging and the love of blogging I'll mention one other thing. You probably noticed (or not) that my BlogHer ads and blog roll are missing. I removed them. They used to pay me about $25 a month but after the first of the year I was lucky to get $10 a month and I had more page loads than when I was making more. BlogHer has rules and requirements and I decided I was tired of worrying about them. There was a time that I saw getting on the BlogHer network as a sign of "making it" in the blogging world. I guess my priorities have changed. That or I've grown up a bit, as improbable as that might seem.

So, I hereby promise to stop beating myself up for not blogging more and just blog. I promise to have more fun with blogging and I promise to just get over myself. This is supposed to be fun.


Angel said...

'm glad to see you whenever you are here. You have a heavy load, and i can't imagine how you did it before. Blogging is supposed to be fun, so have fun. Stop stressing yourself. Everyone loves you and just wishes you peace, and love.

When it becomes something that makes you feel guilty, or it is work to do then it really is time to let it go for a minute.

Never beat yourself up over anything, because tomorrow it wil be something else.

Keep doing what you are doing, give Emma a good big long hug, and don't worry about anything else.

Glad to see you, even for just a second.
God Bless

Jill said...

Hi Denise!
Certainly I have missed your regular posts but is life and it takes you in MANY, MANY directions...this is completely understandable!
I will look forward to reading your posts whenever you are led to write one!!!
THIS post just saved you $175 in therapy! You gave yourself the power to say I'll do it when I feel like it!!


The Johnson 5 said...

honey, blogging isn't suppose to be something that you feel you HAVE to do, but yet something you WANT to do! I go days at a time with nothing and never feel the need to explain. Explain to who?? Other bloggers know that we all have busy lives (that is what we blog about right?)

I've never looked at blogher or any other ad service as I've made it, because we haven't. It could all be gone in the click of a delete button. I look at the fact that I have made friends(whether we ever meet or not, your a friend) in different states and have shared tears over their struggles, reciepes that they have already tried and LAUNDRY DETERGENT, I made the detergent and am LOVING IT! I hope that you get back to whatever you loved about it at one time and just know that sometimes we need to hush the voices in our head, because we are our own worse enemy sometimes...

And by the way, my middle son use to do the nudist colony thing in our back yard too, my Facebook page has been messing up, I tried to comment on your status and it read an error message 3 times, so I gave up!

Heather said...

Denise I love this entry. I started my blog for me and needed this reminder that it is still for me that I am doing it. It chronicles my life. No need to apologize for that. A good reminder for all of us.

BTW I am so glad I have you as a friend.

Kristin said...

I love your blog, Denise. Your blog is one of the first I found, and you don't ever have to explain yourself to us because we will read, no matter if you write every day or only once a month. You have a sweet family and I know you must be so busy with them! I hope blogging will be fun for you again :)

Anita said...

Denise, I completely relate to this post. I even have one follower who has been asking me several times a week if I've returned to FT work since I'm not blogging daily, more like 2 or 3 days a week. I've had some aha moments and meant to blog on some topics, but then they are fleeting moments and I've blogged much less since June.
As others have told you, I enjoy what you write, so I'll be around for whatever you do.
Take care, do it for you!!!

Tammy Howard said...

Totally relate. It shouldn't be hard work. It shouldn't be an obligation. It's fun. do it when it's fun. Don't do it when it's not. Comment when you feel like it. Don't comment when you don't. This whole etiquette thing makes it a lot less fun, too, sometimes.

Be who you be, baby!

Brandy said...

After being sick the last couple of weeks, I can relate to this post so much. It's very hard to just jump back into it, especially when you don't feel anything is "blog worthy".

Trying Traditional said...

can I just say ditto?

this from the gal that has blogged once in the last two weeks, has one library book overdue, one MIA, and a movie due today that hopefully doesn't get left behind when the library books are taken care of :)

Nancy said...

Glad you are not going to beat yourself up over this any more. But please, please, keep on blogging.

Geeta said...

Very true :)

I probably don't need to tell you that it's important to do simply because you love it -

If you try to turn it into something that doesn't just focus on that fact it can be extra hard to stick with it.

I love running, I used to run a lot. When I joined the cross country team I didn't run nearly as much - it wasn't fun anymore! I'm not on the team now, and I'm back to running much more... so... fun, fun, joy, joy, happiness - blogging!

Kristin said...

I totally hear you. There are times when I just want to delete my blog completely. I don't have the time for it right now. But then I'm afraid I'll miss it. Decisions, decisions.

April said...

glad you checked in :-) i look forward to your posts, whenever you can get to them and want to get to them!

monica said...

I don't comment too much on your blog but when I do see a new post from you, I get just a bit giddy. Whether you are being too hysterical for words, giving detergent recipes (can't wait to try it) or writing about your pains and losses, I gobble it all up. You are brilliant.

We've all struggled with our publically personal lives. What should I say? Who's depending on me? Will my audience (and in my case, miniscule audience) go away? But I, too, love to blog and need to feel inspired or step away when life gets in the way. I don't need to have a beautiful photo or a new insight (so I remind myself), just an opportunity to put something into words that I normally would keep to myself. Blogging has helped me write again, and share pieces of myself that I would ordinarily keep private. And I do believe that you do the same. So blog on, or not, but keep being yourself and hopefully, those of us who follow along will learn from your example of what it means to be truly authentic. Love, Monica

Tricia said...

I totally know what you mean about the longer you go without blogging the harder it is to blog. I have been in a little funk. I hope you feel back to normal soon.

The Gotch 5 said...

Anyone that blogs and has kids knows that life is just that life! There are weeks I blog 3 times in one day and then nothing for a month! I will read when you are ready to write!! I love reading your blog. Life is calling......hearing 5 kids yell go Brynlee go Brynlee then a big crash followed by yelling is probably not a good sign!!