I'm Not a Hairdresser But I Play One at Home

Back when Darrell and I had been married a little over a year and Julia was 5 days old we moved from Joplin, Missouri to Jacksonville, Arkansas-- a town about 30 minutes outside of Little Rock. Darrell may have been a doctor but we were P-O-O-R. Darrell was doing a fellowship which paid next to nothing. The amount of child support and alimony he paid to his first wife was literally more than his monthly salary. Add the fact that our house in Joplin hadn't sold and throw in the rent payment for the cockroach pit of a house we lived in. Needless to say, money wasn't tight, it was non existent. (Thank God for credit card cash advances.) All this to say that we looked for ways to save money and one thing we found was that I could cut the boys and Darrell's hair.

I had been cutting the boys hair already. Crew cuts were totally in so I bought a set of clippers, would set a kitchen chair out in the driveway and shave their heads. Pretty easy stuff. But one day Darrell had gotten his hair cut and came home unhappy with how it turned out and asked me to "fix it." I hesitated. Shaving the boys heads was totally different than cutting someones head with scissors, but I took it slow and fixed what he didn't like. Six weeks later he asked me to cut it again, this time from the beginning. I cut it and he was very happy with the results. I then told him he owed me $20. He paid his hair stylist $20 for a bad cut, the least he could do was pay me $20 for a good one. It was a joke but he got out his wallet and handed me a $20. From that day on he paid me $20 every time I cut his hair, including his last hair cut 2 weeks before his accident. It was considered "my" money, something very coveted back in those rough early years.

Ross has short hair again so the clippers have reemerged but I hadn't cut anyone's hair with scissors in over 3 years, until Friday. Trace told Cody that I could cut hair and she asked me to cut Gauge's.

I strongly suggested that Gauge go to Sport Clips, the very same establishment I had taken Ryan to just a couple of days earlier. But Gauge is deathly afraid of hair cuts and Cody didn't want to be embarrassed by his screaming. My hair cutting scissors have long since disappeared but I found a pretty sharp pair and set to work. Cody wasn't kidding.

He spent most of our time together screaming and crying and asking "Is she done yet?"

Towards the end he settled down and decided it wasn't as horrific as he thought.
{Notice Emma clinging to my leg.}

But he was especially happy when it was over. Here he is with his "rock star" look.
But since the scissors had been dusted off, I decided to try them out on Emma.

The key to getting her to sit still is to give her food.

{Are you sure you know what you're doing???}

I planned to just even up the back which had never been cut and was pretty scraggly. But Julia (who was photographing the event) kept begging me to give Emma bangs. I hesitated because growing out bangs its nightmare. But keeping Emma's hair out of her eyes has become an even bigger nightmare. Everything I put in her hair to keep it out of her face is removed (and often lost) at some point in the day. So...

I decided to cut her bangs. And the result?

What happened to my baby??? I am currently growing them out. But I must admit, her hair is out of her eyes.

{Yes, my house is a TOTAL mess in the background. Just keepin' it real people. But let it be known, that my entire first floor is currently CLEAN! Hence the reason I was hardly on Facebook yesterday.)

Fashion Foward

Unbeknownest to me, Emma got a makeover by an unknown stylist.

It's obviously some new trendy style, kind of like those asymmetrical looks

Notice the chuck of hair missing below her ear? Yeah, that didn't used to be there. On Sunday morning I noticed some hair on Emma's shirt but I had cut Ross' hair the afternoon before and thought perhaps some of his hair had some how escaped my broom. I really should have known better. Things have been a bit crazy around here (hence my lack of posts) so I'm didn't realize that there had been an actual hair cut until last night.





Was it
Ryan Scissorhands?













Or was it Emma the Mute?


We'll probably never know, but for now the scissors are being kept up in a shelf. Like that will keep Emma out!

Denise's Big Weekend

Trace might get a week, but I was pretty satisfied with just a weekend. Hey, beggars can't be choosers especially when I hardly even get a day.

My weekend stared Friday night when Guy #1 asked me out on a date, yep a real LIVE date. Those of you who have befriended me on Facebook know this already when I posted a frantic message:

I just got asked out on a REAL date!!!! OMG!!!! What do I do????

I got 18 responses, all telling me to go. So of course I said yes. But the date wasn't until Sunday afternoon, so I still had Saturday to fill.

Saturday I had an appointment to get my hair cut and colored at the salon that did my hair when I got my makeover last August, oh and did I mention I hadn't had my hair cut or colored since that visit? I actually made the appointment before my big date, but it didn't hurt that I got beautified before. In reality, I made the appointment because of a photo shoot that we had on Monday. But more on that tomorrow.

When I got to the salon and sat in the chair my neighbor was sitting in the chair across from me! That was a huge surprise and added to the fun of my visit. Lori saw how cute I looked in my black vinyl cape and asked me out to lunch. Wow, this dating thing really has seemed to snowball.

Okay, I have to wonder why I don't go to the salon more often? I had so much fun, who knew? My colorist (because I'm just special enough to have a stylist and a colorist) was a hoot! He told me many stories but the most exciting one was that he was sued by a client and went on Judge Joe Brown. While I admit that it's not the most reassuring fact to know that the man putting chemicals on your hair was sued for ruining a woman's hair, I believed him when he told me that she had had it ruined by someone else and she asked him to fix it. He said it so convincingly. And he was almost done painting my hair.

After my chemicals were washed out, it was time for my cut. Both Allen and Safe, my stylist, knew I was going on a date and Safe especially had words of wisdom and advice. I started thinking "Who didn't know about my date?" Poor Guy #1, he had no idea that hundreds of people knew about his existence!

After I was done at the salon, I met Lori for lunch and had an awesome time. And I had been gone from home for 4 hours. When I got home, you would have thought it was 4 days. The nerve of Mommy to have fun without her pack of children!

My date was on Sunday afternoon. We were meeting to see Slum Dog Millionaire.(Although my brother Kevin tells me it wasn't a real date, it was merely a get together. He says a real date involves dinner.) We met early so we could talk before the movie started. He was a really nice guy and I had a great time. When the movie was over, we stayed for the credits and talked. He then walked me to my car and we said goodbye.

And this has been the source of much discussion over the last 24+ hours.

He didn't ask me out for a second date. Some people think he didn't want to put me on the spot or maybe he was worried I say no, so he would ask me via eHarmony like he did last time. I told my friend Sandra that I was sure it wasn't because I told him I had a wedding dress in my closet and it was really better suited for a summer wedding. ;>)

At this point, I haven't heard anything from him and this is what I've decided: I was me. I was the real me, albeit the socially acceptable me, and if he doesn't want to see me again, then that's okay. I think I'm in a good place. Twenty years ago I don't think I'd be this way, I've grown up enough to know that I'm not going to change to make a man happy. He needs to like me just the way I am, craziness and all.

But it still doesn't stop me from checking my email.



Hey, do you want to be my friend? If you want to be my Facebook friend, let me know and I'll tell you how to find me.
Edited Monday morning: Some of you have expressed interest in befriending me but you don't have email addresses to send you the info. So, I'll just save us all a bunch of trouble and give you my name here: Denise Grover Swank.

My baby is a big girl

Jenna, my 5 year old has hair that grows. Julia was my first girl and I was dying for her hair to grow so that I could do something with it. I had always dreamed of pigtails and ribbons and braids. Pretty little girl hair-- and don't forget long! But that wasn't Julia's hair. It was thin and curly and grew SOOOOO slowly. Julia didn't have her first hair cut until she was 5 and she didn't even need one then. That's how slow her hair grows.

But Jenna, her hair grows like a weed. She said she wanted to grow her hair to her booty and it got pretty long but the ends were even and last year we decided to cut it shorter. It went from mid back length to a few inches past her shoulders. Then this fall we cut it TO her shoulders. She wanted it shorter but I just couldn't do it. I finally had my girl who had hair I could play with.

So a couple of days ago I came across a blog that had some photos of two cute little Asian girls and I just loved the hair cut of one of them. I showed it to Julia and Jenna and they both loved it. Today I took Jenna to get it.

Jenna loves hair cuts. Of course, part of the draw is where we go-- Sweet and Sassy. You know, where her birthday party was. When they are done with the haircut they get glitter all over their hair, glitter stars on their cheeks and a sucker. Could life get any better??? Jenna was even more thrilled to find out that now that she is 5 she is officially a big girl at S&S and she got her hair shampooed and conditioned first. And then the cut. No, cut doesn't cut it. LOL She got it styled. I literally almost cried when I saw her in the chair with her haircut (Or maybe it was the baby pinching my fat rolls with her toes as she tried to climb me that brought tears to my eyes. Nah, it was the cut.) My baby was gone and there in her place was a big girl. She literally looked like a different little girl.

Jenna with her hair at her birthday party at the end of February.

And Jenna this afternoon after her hair appointment. She was quite pleased with herself!