Fortune Telling

Last week Ryan, Emma and I visited a magical place:

Yeah, I know, you're saying "What the..." and guess what? It is What the... Wednesday. But that's beside the point.

That's not why we went. Emma had still been sitting on phone books at the kitchen table and I decided that it was time to break down and get her a booster seat. Honestly, she would prefer to sit on top of the table, but even I have a few standards in regards to manners, cleanliness, and a few other things we won't go into. So, a booster seat seemed like my best option. Although, come to think of it her sitting on top of the table would take care of the short one chair problem...

Those poor kids hadn't been out of the house since our weekend shopping mall playground fiasco several days earlier. Personally, I blame the mall for the fiasco. Seriously, whose bright idea was it to make a playground in the center of the lower floor? There were at least 2 main exits from the playground area and a couple of back ones. Given the fact that there were multiple exits and I had 3 kids, the odds were not in my favor. Sure, I could have left but Julia was getting her hair cut and I had to entertain my high strung children for 30 minutes. The playground seemed like a good idea, at the time.

Most of the time was spent chasing after Emma, trying to keep Ryan in eye sight and occasionally catching glimpses of Jenna as she darted past chasing some new friend. By the time we left, I had developed a nervous twitch in my left eye and was in desperate need of Valium. I settled for a Red Robin Sante Fe Burger and raspberry iced tea. (But then you already knew that last part from my 25 Random Things list.) The good news was that I actually got an aerobic workout. Always looking for the bright side.

So, I kept my children locked away after that. I know it sounds kind of like a Flowers In The Attic kind of thing, but I don't know how to get up into the attic. In any case, I'm a compassionate jailer and decided the inmates needed a furlough. A trip to Babies R Us was just the thing.

We loaded up the inmate van the minivan and took off. The babies (can I still call Ryan a "baby" if he's 3 now?) seemed exited to be out in the big, wide world. Either that or they were excited about Shrek running from the dragon with Princess Fiona, the current feature film in the van. We won't be nit picky, we'll just say they were excited. The trip to Babies R Us is short and we were soon at our destination.

I loaded up the children (I don't think I can get away with calling them babies any more) in a shopping cart and headed inside.

It was pretty cold so they were bundled up. I hadn't been there in a while so I was pushing the cart from end of the store to the other looking for what I needed. Little Baby Emma still loves her bottle, only now she likes to chew on nipples. (Technically, I can still call her a baby.) One hole in a bottle nipple is good and necessary but multiple holes, not so good. Trust me on this. I also needed formula. One would think these things would be together. They are at Price Chopper, the Mecca of All Things and Home of the Jenna and Mommy Dance Party, but not at Babies R Us. There they are at opposite ends of the store.

It should come to no surprise that the natives got restless. I took of their coats, but Emma-On-The-Go wasn't happy with that, so I took a huge chance. I let her out of the cart. And once she was out Ry-Man was soon out with her.

Emma thought that free rein to run up and down the store aisles was completely novel, and completely awesome. The trick was keeping up with her.

Ryan was usually chasing directly behind her so that made it a bit easier to keep up with them. Occasionally, they split apart which proved a bit tricky, but the store was pretty empty with the exception of a few employees stocking the shelves.

Emma was the ring leader with a doting Ryan hot on her tail. She would investigate something and he would be watching from behind.

This kept them entertained for about 5 minutes. Emma would step up on the shelf, turn around, sit on her bottom and get off. Then repeat. Ryan would stand on it and watch her, occasionally spinning around and getting off.

They soon moved on. Emma would pull something off a shelf and Ryan would say "No, no Emma!"
Then Ryan would replace the confiscated item in its proper position.

It was then, as I watched my children ripping items off shelves, replacing the items and letting loose a scolding, it was then that I had a vision. I could see my two darlings' futures.

How could I see this? It had to be the Babies R Us gods merging with a rising Jupiter and a crescent moon, or it could be a time traveling segment from LOST, I don't know. But I do know that the future of my children couldn't be clearer. I could see their possible professions.

Ryan has a future in law enforcement, the military (preferably an officer position), a day care worker, a nagging husband, a janitor, or a doctor (likes to give orders.)

Emma has a future as an evil dictator, a demolition crew worker, an Olympic sprinter, a Pop star diva, or a doctor (egocentric personality.)

If only my other children's futures were so clear. Ross is a high school senior and still unsure of his college major.

I think we need to make a trip to Babies R US.

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Edited Wednesday morning at 9:40: The doctor's office just called and said that Ryan's throat culture grew heavy Strep. They're calling in the prescription now.

My son has been Strep Plague Ryan. We've been around cousins, out in public, everywhere spreading his bacterial cesspool. See how well I taught him how to share?